This Time Around, I'm Doing Me!

So there are only a couple more days in left in this year and I would like to take this time to inspire you to have faith. Some of you may have had some tough times, terrible hardships, devastating losses, and horrible heartbreak over the course of this year. Even though it's easier said than done, leave all those things behind. 2013 is a new year, you should enter it with a new attitude. This isn't about making new year's resolutions or anything like that. This is about making this year your year by taking charge of your life. You have got to be your own biggest cheerleader. Maybe you lost your job, okay. That just means God has something better for you. Your relationship ended. There is someone better for you. Just take the time to turn your negative thoughts into positive ones. Life is too short to live it mad or sad all the time. Believe that you deserve the best tat life has to offer. Love yourself, believe in yourself and do whatever it is that you want to do in 2013! Live life to the fullest! Do you, boo!

What Do Your Panties Say About You?

Have you ever noticed that when you feel sex, you tend to dress sexier, underwear included? Or that when you feel not so sexy or attractive, you tend to choose your panties accordingly? So let's examine what your panties are saying about you. Wearing a thong, boy shorts, or any lacy little number typically means that A. you feel sexy and in some cases B. you are ready for action if you know what I mean. Let's just be honest ladies, most of us only wear lingerie or anything remotely close to lingerie when we feel sexy enough to show someone else (although I do realize some women wear thongs daily, do you, boo!). Now on the other hand, when we get to the point where we are comfortable within our relationship (could be that we just get lazy) or we are not feeling sexy at the time, the "granny panties" make their entrance into our wardrobe again. Some women simply feel they are the most comfortable thing for them while others may feel "granny panties" are the most practical things in the world. And believe me, I'm not saying you can't feel sexy whatever panties you decide to wear, but be honest with yourself and admit that in most cases your mate is not turned on by your over sized, less than flattering panties or they may just be tired of seeing the same ole same ole thing. I'm just saying. Change things up a bit. Even if you've been with your mate for forever and a day,it is still good to pull out a pair of lacy cheeky Victoria's Secret panties every now and then. And if you have given yourself a rash trying to be sexy ALL the time, give yourself a break! It IS okay to wear "granny panties" from time to time. In other words, your panties say this; lacy, barely there panties=sexy/in the mood. While "granny panties"= not feeling too sexy today/just want to be comfortable/lazy.

Show Your Support!

No matter if you're male or female, we all want to feel loved and supported especially within our relationship. As we become comfortable in our relationship and the honeymoon phase is over, it is so easy to show less interest in what our mates are doing, to be less affectionate. You must be aware that this is a common occurrence in a lot of relationships, but you must also be aware that being aware of this common occurrence is the first step towards preventing or fixing the problem. Know that we are all human and thus all make mistakes. But here's what you've got to do. Re-focus your attention on your partner. Take the time to show them that you not only care about them but also the things that are important to them. Be there for them. Showing your support for your partner is a huge part of being a great mate.

Act Like A Man

Guys, SOME of you have got to do better! I don't understand your settling for whatever is handed to you. Are you not strong enough to pull your own weight? Are you not smart enough to learn from not only your mistakes but the mistakes of those around you? Why would you be content with merely getting by? Wake up! You have everything you need to make a good like yourself and your family future or present. Stop thinking that because you're from "the hood", you have to do as those in the hood are expected to. You do NOT have to do drugs. You do NOT have to make multiple babies with multiple women. You CAN go to college and get multiple degrees because you ARE intelligent and that doesn't make you a sell out or a lame or whatever else it is that you may be called. Be your own person. Realize that being a man is not about how many people you can intimidate or how many women you get into bed or having a child with your last name. Being a man is about being a responsible person, working hard to be a good provider, living life to the fullest. All I'm trying to say is, please stop trying to please your friends. Please stop mooching off family. Find your own LEGIT way to make it in this world. If you have to work two jobs to provide for your family, do that. If you feel college isn't for you, find some other way to become more educated like trade school. As I said before guys SOME of you have got to do better, but for those of you who are on point, keep up the good work and maybe lend a friend to a guy who isn't on point, but trying to get there.

You've Got To Give It To Receive It

Everyone has their opinion on oral sex. Some people just HAVE to have it in their sexual relationship while others would much rather do without. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, what do you think? Is oral sex important within your sexual relationship? And if so, does your mate have to first perform oral sex on you in order for you to perform oral sex on them? I mean, they always say you've got to give respect to get respect and you should treat people the way you want to be treated right? LOL Just saying. But on that same note though, it is also said that it is better to give than to receive... Do you think that applies here? Should you pleasure your partner regardless to whether or not they'll return the favor? You tell me.

Keeping Up With The Joneses

We've all heard the phrase "Keeping up with the Joneses" and if we're honest, we'll admit that we have, in one way or another, tried to "one up" the next person whether it's thru our choice in clothes and shoes, the car we choose to drive, or the amount of money we spend on the things we buy. However, keeping in competition with your fellow man isn't always te greatest idea. While in most cases, a little friendly competition is pretty harmless, when comparing your relationship to someone else's, it can be detrimental. What works for onecouple simply may not work for the next couple. And even worse, if you are bragging about how wonderful your mate is and all the things he/she does for you, the person you're bragging to may want to find out how wonderful your mate is first hand. My point is, you should be thankful for the person you have in your life, obviously you think they're a great catch if you're with them. No comparison is needed to validate your relationship.

Remember To Have Fun

So often we hear people say that once you get married and/or have children, your life is over, but why? That should be when your life is beginning! I said it before and I'll say it again, marriage is a beautiful thing, it is a sacred gift from God. I think the problem lies where people get married and fall into the same ole same ole routine of everyday life. But if you work together to make things good, your married life can be great. You have to MAKE time for the things you like to do. You have to remember what made you guys fall in love in the first place. Try new things together, do the things you loved to do before marriage/kids. It's important that you remember to have fun. Life is too short to live it unhappily. Marriage and long term relationships in general will run into it's fair share of road blocks, it's your job to pass them and continue on the right path to happiness sometimes all it takes is a night out together to discover each other again.

A Relationship Without Sex

How important is sex to you? Is it so important that you wouldn't be in a relationship without it? Let's just say you met someone and you all had an instant connection, everything with them was great, but for whatever reason whether it be by choice or force he/she is not having sex. Would you continue the relationship or end it? I think that we have begun to put way too much emphasis on sex and it's importance. I mean of course sex is important, it is how we reproduce and is definitely ONE major form of intimacy, but isn't the ONLY form of intimacy. Not every kiss, hug, or touch has to lead to  sex. It IS possible to have a successful relationship without sex. But what are your thoughts? Could you be someone who wasn't sexually active?

Tips For A Better Sex Life

Just wanted to share a few tips for a better sex life with you if you don't mind.

1. Communication is key. Close mouths don't get fed. People are not mind readers you must tell your mate what you do or do not like.

2. Although it is still considered a taboo subject for some, masturbation has many benefits. You'll learn what makes you feel you good, it helps to lower stress levels ad more.

3. Have sex often. The longer you go without sex, the less you'll want it which would NOT be good for your relationship.

4. Keep what happens in your bedroom between you and your mate. That's no body's business but you guys'.

5. Always try to spice things up a bit. Sex should be exciting and fun, not routine and boring. You don't necessarily have to get all crazy with the whips and chains and all of that, but even picking up a copy of the Kama Sutra and trying some new positions may be enough spice.

When Is It Time To Let Go?

We all want to have our relationships work, but sometimes they just don't. Sometimes things go from bad to worse and nobody knows how to fix it. Sometimes can simply hold on to something we should definitely let go off, but how do we know when it's time to let go? I say there are a few ways to know when it's time to close the door on your relationship and leave. One being everything that is done within the relationship is geared toward one person, in other words, one person makes all the decisions and the other person simply goes along with it for fear of confrontation or just to keep the peace. In this case, the person who is just going along for the ride is not needed. A relationship is two people working together so if one person's input isn't being valued or used, they're not needed. Another way to know is when there are more times that you feel sad than times that you are happy. Life is too short to be unhappy all the time and as the saying goes, you can do bad all by yourself, you don't need anyone else to help your life be hard. If your mate is being abusive mentally OR physically, that is unacceptable. You need someone who will uplift you, not bring you down. And your body is a temple, it wasn't intended to be "vandalized". If you are ONLY staying with your mate because of the kids, then there really is no relationship at all. You have to be a couple outside of your kids and if that is not happening, believe it or not, you're doing more harm by staying than leaving. If you're unhappy, your kids CAN pick up on that. They are smarter than you think.

Choose Your Battles Wisely

While it is true that no two people are alike and every one's entitled to their own opinion, within a relationship, you have to find common ground or agree to disagree from time to time. Communication is key in any relationship which means you must be able to not only express your opinion effectively but also listen to the other party's take on things. Speaking inn a nice tone is also very important and something that is hard to do when a controversial topic is brought up. You must realize that not many people take kindly to being yelled at and when yelling is involved things can get pretty ugly and in a relationship, you must decide if certain topics are even worth talking about. Is it really important to remind him that he's the man of the house and thus expected to do certain chores every time he forgets to take out the trash? And must you remind her tat she needs to keep the house clean because that's part of her wifely duties whenever there are dishes in the sink? All I'm saying is, not everything should be a discussion, especially if you KNOW it's petty and will most likely lead to an argument. Petty arguments CAN turn into huge battles that You may not be ready for. Sometimes it really is best to leave well enough alone. So my question to you would be, in choosing your battles wisely, is it ever wise to keep something that's really bothering you to yourself simply to keep the peace?

Please Leave Her Alone!

Now  I know that women are notorious for being naive and holding on to men who never should've been given a chance in the first place, but let's be honest, there are some men out there who are notorious for the same thing! So, for the guys who fit into this category, I have compiled a list of a few things about a woman that should let you know from jump to leave her alone!

1. She has five kids, no job, and she's not trying to find a job (welfare is good enough for her)

2. She is more concerned with how much money you bring home than any or your morals and values

3.Her biggest accomplishment is paying for her own butt injections (now her dream to be just like Nicki Minaj can finally come true!)

4. She is willing to leave her kids with any and everybody just so she can hit up the club

5. She goes to college just long enough to get a refund check ( actually finishing school and getting a degree isn't all that important)

6. Her only mode of transportation is bumming a ride from friends and family and that is A-Ok with her

7. You can catch her in at least five lies within ten minutes of talking to her

8. She wears name brand clothes and shoes all the time, yet brings her kids out looking like they're homeless (SHE is the center of her universe)

9. She thinks reality TV is really reality

10. She refers to her kids as b*tches, h*s, and n*ggas

If I Were A Boy

Let me start off by saying I know there are no good women out there, too and  not all men are bad. So guys, if this does not pertain to you, you shouldn't be offended. Now, here's the thing; we all know that in a lot of cases men get away with way more than a woman ever could. I'll give you a few examples. A young man gets a girl pregnant and leaves, he just wasn't ready to grow up yet in that same situation, but the girl left instead, she would be dogged out because women should know better. A man cheats with multiple women and it's no big deal, he's just being a man and would, in some cases, be admired by his peers while a woman in that situation, even if she only slept with one guy other than her mate, would be called everything but a child of God.  Men are able to have tons of kids with multiple women and nothing gets said, let a woman do the same and she's nasty, slutty, and whatever else. So my question is what if the world were different? What if women were the ones having sex with men, producing babies then leaving men to raise them alone? What if women were the ones being praised for running around with multiple guys leading them to believe they really cared when they really didn't? If the shoe were on the other foot, would men put up with all the crap from women that women put up with from them? If things were different, would men even be able to handle things?

What's Your Fantasy?

There are fantasies about having threesomes, fantasies about having sex outside or in an airport, or some public place, fantasies about having sex with someone exotic, etc. But how do you know what's a good fantasy to try and what's one to be left as just a fantasy? Truth is, I don't think anyone could answer that question for you although I think for obvious reasons some fantasies could potentially cause more issues than others (i.e. threesomes, sex in public place).  I do think that in a lot of cases, people, men especially, feel even more loved by their significant other when they agree to participate in carrying out a fantasy though. So, have you ever talked to your mate about your fantasies or are you too embarrassed? Would you ever consider carrying one or more of them out? What makes for a good fantasy? A bad one? If I could give you any advice at all, I'd say why not try to create a new fantasy with your mate, spice things up a bit. Or you could even try talking about your fantasies to get you in the mood. Whether you decide to try them or not, they could still serve a good purpose for you in that way...

Therefore A Man Shall Leave His Father And Mother

When a man and woman decide to get married, there are quite a few things that need to be discussed like finances, places to live, etc. But one topic I think a lot of people neglect to discuss is the true meaning of becoming one. See, God did not make a mistake when he said that the two shall become one when two people are married and although we are to read the Bible for ourselves and therefore come to our own understanding of what we read, I'd bet money that the general consensus is this; becoming one means you truly must leave your family behind. This means your spouse comes first, of course, but it also means that you need to keep your family AND friends out your business. I personally believe that talking to people other than your spouse about things that happen within your marriage is one of the easiest ways to end up in a divorce. I also believe that in a lot of cases, family can be the worst people to tell! I mean, I know most of them mean well, but they can be the nosiest group of people in the world! In a nutshell, people, all I'm trying to say is keep your friends and family out of your personal business because once you become one, your marriage is yours and yours alone. Hey! Even God knew sharing intimate details of a marriage was a bad idea. LOL (Ephesians 5:31)

Let's Get Married... Or Not!

So as a result of watching one of my favorite shows, Bridezillas, I just had to write a post on this and ask the question; if he/she is a hot head, jerk, witch with a capital B, or whatever it is that you want to call them, what would make you think that marrying them would change them? I mean, here I am watching the show, pretty much every Sunday I might add, wondering why the heck these men even put up with the over the top, sometimes down right nasty attitudes of the brides to be on the show? I mean, does it not occur to them that these women's attitudes could actually get worse? Which led me to my next thought, you always hear about women who are so in love with the IDEA of being married that they plot and scheme, huff and puff, and believe the hype of "something is better than nothing", they'll marry anybody for the sake of being married; could this not be the case with men? Is it so hard to believe that men could be so fed up with their biological clocks going off that they rush into marriages that were domed from the start? Just saying, as a hopeless romantic, there's nothing I love more than seeing two people in love/people getting married BUT if you can't take your mate anywhere without them cursing someone out, getting into some type of altercation, or just getting upset over any ole thing, you need to think twice. Is this really the person you want to spend the rest your life with? Think about it.

You Have What?!?

Let's just say you met the perfect man/woman  for you and he/she is everything you have ever wanted in a mate. He/she is very attractive, very intelligent, sweet, family oriented, and everything else you want, but there's one VERY big issue; he/she recently told you that he/she has an incurable STD. Now I know that many of you are already saying to yourself "Oh, my God! He/she is NOT the one!" or something along those lines as STDS, whether curable or not, are pretty much always paired with negative stereotypes/views. People automatically assume that if a person has an STD they are nasty and have obviously had a lot of sexual partners when in actuality, sexually transmitted diseases CAN be passed from mother to child, CAN be caught from having sex with only ONE person, and CAN be passed through shared needles. The sad part is that as soon as a person reveals that they have a STD, people are so quick to judge that person that they never take the time to realize that the person may have been the victim of a heartless jerk who just wanted to "burn" someone else because they were "burned" or the innocent child of an misinformed mother, you just n ever know. I said all that to say don't be so quick to judge. I know that it is not an ideal life to live with a person who has an incuable disease, much less one that is sexually transmitted, but my question to you would be, if you felt that this person was "the one" in every other aspect, would you stay with them and even marry them? Or do you feel this is something you simply could not handle? What are your thoughts on this? Leave your comments below.

Curfews: Why You Should Have One In Your Relationship

I know that once we reach a certain age we feel we don't need anyone else telling us what to do and that's definitely not what this post is about. It is, however, about respect. As a man or woman, you must realize that when you're in a relationship, you must take someone else's feelings into consideration, you must communicate your feelings openly and find common ground. And let me explain what I mean when I speak of curfews. What I mean is, someone who is in a relationship, in my opinion, should not be out at all hours of the night. Yes, relationships are built on trust, but temptation is real and he said she said can certainly complicate things.  Now I am certainly not saying that just because you are in a relationship you should not hang out with friends, but I am saying choose your actions wisely. Being out aklk night can cause all kinds of unnessary problems which is why you and your partner should agree on an appropriate time for you to both be in.

Can A Relationship Ever Really Be 50/50?

I have often heard women say they want a relationship where they are treated equal, a relationship that is 50/50. That left me to wonder if that is even possible and I have come to believe in most cases it is not. Let me tell you why. I honestly don't know too many women willing to pay for 50 % of the dates they go on, to split household chores such as taking out the trash, and perhaps open doors for him on occassion, okay perhaps that's an exaggeration, but you get my point.  Although a lot of women don't take the time to consider what that really means or they've thought about it and aren't able to follow thru with all this type of relationship requires. What do you think? Can a relationship ever truly 50/50?

Modesty Is The Best Policy

 After going to church today and taking a look around, I felt this post would be much needed. Now I know while in church your mind should be on praising God, however, when you're sitting in church trying to concentrate on the sermon and some girl is prancing back in a shirt that has her girls less than covered, it's kind of hard to miss. Let me go on record as saying I definitely don't think you have to dress like a nun when heading to church, in fact, I totally agree you should dress nice. BUT while dressing fashionably, you should also dress modestly. You should NOT be wearing outfits you'd wear to the club to church. Church is where you go to praise God not. show the world what your mama  gave you. All I'm tryin g to say is, when in doubt, cover it up. Less is more. Dress  like a lady in the Lord's house.

Just Be A Man About It

A friend suggested that I write a post like this so... Here goes. LOL So, fellas, I`m talking to you. What a lot of the ladies are wondering is why would you get into a relationship, propose to a girl, or even get married but try to hide it? I mean, I would think that you`d only get into any type of committed relationship you felt that person was worthy of your time. Am I mistaken in thinking that? You tell me because from my standpoint, I`ll only date a man if I feel he`s worth my time, I can see a future with him, and of course I think he`s attractive enough to be seen in public with. Now I added that last part in because it seems to me having a "secret relationship" is both childish and stupid. I also know that some guys hide relationships so they have access to multiple women, but even in that case why bother? You tell me. Help me out fellas.

I'm Trying This Again

I haven't done this in a long time because I got so few responses in the past, but I'm trying it again hoping I get a better outcome. I'm asking that you reply to this post with questions, comments, topic ideas, etc. I just want to hear from you. Let me know what YOU think. Let me also say that I sincerely appreciate those who have continued to follow my blog and those who have chosen to comment on posts. Thank you so much! Now, here's your chance to really voice your opinions and/or tell me something you'd like to read about in the future.

Is There An Appropriate Amount Of Time To Date Before Getting Married?

I've always heard debates about whether or not you should marry someone after knowing them for only a short amount of time, although short amount of time varies from person to person. For the purposes of this post we'll just say a short amount of time is anything less than a year. Now, I've heard of couples getting married after knowing each other anywhere from six weeks to nine months, and in most of those cases, the marriage has lasted. But of course there are marriages that happened just as fast and did not last. In my opinion though, there is no set amount of time you should wait before marrying a person. Only YOU know when it feels right and only YOU will be the one marrying that person. I do believe marriage is a sacred and serious thing that should definitely not be played with, but I feel it is the couple's decision as to whether of not it is right for them. What are your thoughts on this? Do you think couples should know each other longer than a year before getting married? Is there a set amount of time?

She's Got A Big Ego?

The idea for this post came from a recent conversation where the question was raised "Why is it that a woman will break up with a dude because she no longer wants him, but she doesn't want him with another woman either?"  The conversation went on to eventually say that this is particularly true with baby mamas which is probably where the phrase "baby mama drama"  was formed. The thing is that I, not having a child of my own, can not possibly say with certainty how it feels to have your baby's daddy move on with someone other than you, however, I'd gather that it must definitely feel like the ultimate betrayal. Most of us have dreamed of our picture perfect family for years and to have that dream taken away is devastating even more so when a child is involved. However, I must also say that I do know of circumstances where the child's father has been pushed away and then punished, usually by keeping his kids away from him, when he finally decides to move on. Now a few theories on this have been presented to me such as, "She thinks her 'love' is so good he'll never leave so she doesn't know how to handle it once he finally does" or something as simple as "She doesn't want to feel like she's been replaced". Whatever the case may be, it can be a tough situation on all parties involved... What are your thoughts on this? Why do you think women leave men then get upset once the men have moved on? Let me know, leave your comment below.

I Love My Mr. Wrong!

Ok, so I may get a bit of flack for this topic, but I just have to get this off my chest. In recent years, I have heard sooooo many black people, especially women talk about what a black woman would or would not take from her man, HOWEVER, the truth is that black women seem to take a hell of a lot more from their men than other races, although it has also been said that black men are a lot more aggressive and even excessively angry. Black women are often in abusive relationships where a lot of times they, I admit, ARE also abusive towards their men. That's really not the sad part though, the sad part is that abusive relationships are and have been a common occurrence in the black community for a long time. Now, let me make myself clear in saying that of course black couples are not the only ones dealing with abusive relationships but they do seem to be the ones who are more tolerant of it. Yes, you hear more about "crimes of passion" in the white community and you've definitely seen plenty of Lifetime  movies where white women are the recipients of abuse, but stop and think about the reason for this. In our community, it is a common thing to hear someone tell you to "stop snitching" and it is once again a normal thing for there to be abuse in our relationships, in fact, some of us think it is funny! Other things I hear that we black women simply won't take is sheer disrespect or cheating. Even that's laughable when you consider that we are buying, downloading, and listening to music that constantly demeans us by calling us all kinds of bitches and whores, some of us even write songs saying the exact same things. And there are so many of us who believe it's okay for a man to cheat as long as "he comes home to his woman" that it is ridiculous. When are we going to "woman up" and realize that we deserve better? When are we going to realize that we don't have to settle for Mr. Wrong because there IS a Mr. Right out there for us? And when will we stop ignoring the abuse, the disrespect, the downright low down things that happen to us in our own community?

Never Trust A Single Woman Around Your Man

I've always been told, as I'm sure many others have, too, not to trust single women around my man. Now I do happen to believe in this one as even the strongest me the strong can fall prey to temptation. I'm not saying all single women are whores out to steal somebody's man because I know that's not true, but I am saying if you have single friends, family members, neighbors, etc don't extend your trust too far.

Do Women Really Change Once They Get The Ring?

So, what I've been hearing lately is that one of the reasons so many men are afraid to make the ultimate commitment and walk down the aisle with a lady is because she turns into some type of monster once the ring is placed on her finger. Now, I can not say whether or not this is true as I myself am not married and am not close enough to anyone who is married to have heard many horror stories. However, it would be my guess that even if it's the smallest of indications, a woman gives off SOME type of indication that she's not who she appears to be. But once again I can not say for sure. What I can say though, is that I'm certain men have some part to play in this as well. Everyone sees things from their own point of view as they are the only person whose eyes they can see through. All I can say is, you have to be sure you take heed to anything said by those closest to you about your potential spouse, and most of all pray and ask God for guidance BEFORE taking that step. Marriage is a big deal, and I'm certain it's something you only want to do once. So YOU let me know. Does a woman REALLY change once she gets that ring?

The Best Way To Hold A Man Is In Your Arms

Alright, so we're always hearing about how women need attention and affection and whatever else, BUT what about the men? As we all know Valentine's Day just passed and I know that a few of the guys didn't get much of anything IF they got anything at all, while they were busting their butts to get something special for their girls... And if you've been following my blog, you know exactly how I feel about that. My point is though, as I've also stated before, we should treat our men like we want them to treat us. Did you know that showing a man the kind of affection you want shown to you actually has benefits for him? A study was done on men who either kissed or did not kiss their wives every morning and the results for men who kissed their wives were very positive. Here's some of what was listed; they live an average of five years longer, are involved in fewer automobile accidents, are ill 50 percent less, as noted by sick days, and earn 20 to 30 percent more money. I said all that to say, show your man some attention. Let him know how much you still enjoy being close to him. Men like to feel loved, too and as I have said before, what you won't do another woman will. Remember that.

What Exactly Is The Way To A Woman's Heart?

Funny how you always hear the saying "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach", but you never hear anyone telling you what the way to a woman's heart is. Although I am certain many feel they could easily fill in the blanks with money, chocolate,  jewelry, or whatever it is that people feel women love, but I think the real reason no saying has been made to tell you the way to a woman's heart is it's not such a big deal for a man to capture a woman's heart. In fact, it could be argued that it's fairly easy to capture a woman's heart. Another factor to consider is the complexity of women. Men themselves have admitted that they are far less complex than women and typically the way one man thinks or feels is the way MOST other men will think or feel about a situation. Women are much more diverse so while one woman may be completely fulfilled as long as she's taken care of financially, another may not be happy unless she feels you fit in perfectly with her very conservative lifestyle. What are your thoughts on this? Should there be a saying to let men know the way to a woman's heart? Or is it so painfully obvious that it doesn't have to be said?

Is There A Such Thing As Too Much Sex?

Now, many of us believe you can never have too much of a good thing, however, those who believe this should listen to the other side that says everything in moderation. Sex can definitely be fun and exciting and people love to engage in it often. It's been said, mostly by older people considering they probably have more experience, that too much sex can wear your body down. It's kind of hard to believe this since you hear so much about the benefits of having sex/ a healthy sex life. BUT there actually ARE risks involved with having sex too much within a short period of time and unfortunately ladies, most of the risks are directed at us. Anything from fracturing limbs to UTIs can result from too much sexual activity. This isn't to discourage you from having sex, as having a healthy sex life IS definitely beneficial, but it is to ask you to be careful when you do decide to engage in such activities. But just to give you a few examples of what could happen... swelling/ soreness "in that area", pulling muscles, heart attack, inability to reach or complete orgasm, etc. But what do you think? Do you believe any of this to be true?

Women Are Not Asexual

It annoys me to the core when I hear comments such as "she done got herself knock up" or "she done got herself pregnant". Women cannot create a baby alone and it is crazy that the stigma is still only placed on the woman. Even if it is common knowledge that she is in a relationship the blame is placed solely on her especially if people view her as too young, unwed, or the couple already has a lot of children. She is also blamed if her mate has or has the potential to have large sums of money. It is as if people think women produce both sperm and eggs and creates a child alone. Don't men have a little something to do with creating a life? Are women to seek out, purchase, and put on condoms for men to ensure a baby is not created in each and every sexual encounter? Should the responsibility of preventing unwanted pregnancies be placed solely on the women? Tell me your thoughts.

Top 5 Ways NOT To Break-Up

I've complied a list of the top 5 ways to break up with your mate. Here it goes:

5. Writing a letter or giving a card to let them know it is over.
4. Asking a mutual friend to deliver the news that you want to break up.
3. Putting all of their belongings out (couples that live together).
2. Completely ignoring calls, texts, etc. from the other person.
1. Changing your relationship status to single on Facebook, tweeting about being single again on Twitter, posting a break-up video for your mate on You Tube.

If you can think of any more ways Not to break up with your partner or have a break up horror stories post a comment and share it.

Does A Good Trip "Down South" Go A Long Way?

Okay, so quite some time ago I wrote a post asking if a good bj goes a long way so I decided to ask the same question but to the women. They say women are like ovens, they need time to warm up so I know some women operate by the "you got to lick it before you stick" saying so my question for you and all other women would be does a good "trip down south" go a long way? Fellas, please feel free to give your input as well.

To Shave Or Not To Shave; That Is The Question

Ultimately, it is up to a woman or man whether or not he/she shaves "down there", however, it seems to be much more of an issue when we're discussing a woman's genitalia. Men make is clear what they like down there and most women don't. You see, I've been told that men like a woman who's clean shaven because it makes oral sex more enjoyable for men since when a woman is clean shaven they don't have to worry about getting pubic hairs in their mouths or having to do a whole lot of work to find the clit. Here's the thing though, most men have no idea how long it takes to shave, how irritated it can get down there after shaving, or anything else for that matter that goes along with shaving. Now, I can say there are some definite benefits to shaving such as it's cleaner, it  does provide a better avenue for sexual pleasure, and some would argue it's more sanitary/is healthier although other studies say hair is there to provide a barrier to hold back bacteria and dirt which could cause infection. Now, this post isn't only about women shaving, it is also about men because believe it or not men, women can get hair in their mouths, too and not all women are fans of that. Shaving could be beneficial in that avenue as well as the fact that hair could actually be making your favorite body part appear a bit smaller than it is. So, my question to all would be, to shave or not to shave? Should you shave or not shave based solely on your partner's preference? Let me hear your thoughts.

IS Facebook The Devil?

It's become common to hear people say that Facebook is the devil. It's full of drama, messes up relationships and breaks up friendships. It's such a big deal that some people have taken to monitoring their significant others Facebook friend list to "make sure they aren't cheating", but i say where there's a will there's a way. What's your take? Is Facebook the devil? Or would people cheat with or without it?

Should You Try To Force The Attraction?

I want to thank everyone once again for the comments left on my posts, I appreciate that so much. I'm sure many of you have been in a situation where you like everything about a person in theory, they have a lot of things going for themselves, they are fun to be around, you have good conversation with them, BUT you're just not sexually attracted to them. Maybe they're bigger than you're used to, maybe they're shorter or taller, maybe they don't have the best skin, whatever the case may be, you're just not feeling them sexually. Perhaps you're questioning whether or not you should try to make a relationship work with this person because they have a lot of qualities you want in a mate minus the physical. Well, I'm here to give you my take. If you're not attracted to the person sexually, you don't need to even go there. Nine times out of ten if you're not attracted to the person, you'll end up meeting someone you are attracted to and end up cheating. I thoroughly believe in what Millionaire Matchmaker, Patti Stanger says all the time on her show "the pecker does the picking". Now, of course there are ALWAYS exceptions to every rule so maybe you will be able make things work without the sexual attraction, but remember that's the exception NOT the rule so it doesn't work that way for everybody. All I want you to do is think long and hard about what you're doing before you do it because you definitely don't want to string someone along if you're not interested in being with them. Treat people how you want to be treated. What's your take on this?

Does Being Intoxicated Make Sex Better?

So... Sex is already supposed to be fun and exciting, BUT some believe that being under the influence of certain substances can enhance the pleasure. Now, I will say that if the sex is good and is even better when you are intoxicated and it works for you, do you. However, if you find that you have to be intoxicated in order to engage in sex with your partner, you need to leave that alone. I can say that in my own experience, when a man is "under the influence", he does seem to be a bit more adventurous, and sometimes even lasts longer. I don't know why that is, but I'm certain everyone who's been in this type of situation has his/her own opinion about it. I'd like to think it is a placebo effect, that you have all that you need to make sex as exciting and pleasurable as you want it to be, however, you feel invincible while under the influence, meaning you don't really need whatever it is that you're using you just think you do. What is your take on this? Does being intoxicated REALLY make sex better?

Why The Hell You Keep Having His Kids???

 First let me thank those that have left comments on my posts, I truly enjoy hearing your thoughts. You're greatly appreciated. Alright, so I did a post a while back bearing the question should you stay for the kids. Within this post I was asking for people's opinions on this topic as it seems to be a tough situation that many people have gone through and may even be going through at this very moment, but another situation crossed my mind and I thought I'd share it. This situation would be when a woman meets a man she knows is no good either from the door or very soon after getting to know him, yet they decide to get pregnant by him in the hopes that he'll step up and changes his ways/be a man. Now, the saying goes "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" and I'd definitely say I agree. We're all given a free pass to be a fool "in love" at least once, but when a child is a part of the equation, honey, you have to get it together. I've heard some women using the "I want my kids to have a real family" line, those who use the "I want all my kids to have the same father" excuse, and the oh, so tired "But I love him" plea. While I agree that you can not see all that goes on when you're on the outside looking in, if this man has humiliated you by leaving you outside in the freezing cold crying on his porch, cheated on you with countless hood chicks, stolen from you, lied to you like there's no tomorrow, or denied being the father of your child publicly on any occasion, why the hell would you even want to have another child by him?  PLEASE use the sense God gave you and leave him alone and PRETTY PLEASE don't have any more kids by him. We all want the best for our kids and we'd all like for our families to stay together, but if he's giving you more hell than Satan could ever calculate in his mind, LET HIM BE ON HIS MERRY LITTLE WAY.

Anal Sex... When HE'S Receiving

So... Not everyone is open to talking about and much less DOING anal sex, BUT I want to talk about it... again. LOL So, here we go. There was a conversation going on where we discussed whether or not a man wanting to experience anal sex with his girl, with him receiving that is, made him gay. Now, on one hand I would certainly be inclined to say that he may have "gay tendencies", but according to some studies, this may be entirely false. I mean, after all, they did say that just because a woman has lesbian fantasies doesn't mean she is lesbian. I'm not entirely sure what my take on this is mainly because I feel or I've learned rather that you can not put everybody in the same little box. What arouses or excites you may be totally inappropriate and gross to someone else. What you enjoy in bed may totally turn someone else off. Does his wanting his girl to use dildos or vibrators or anal beads or even a finger make him gay? I don't know. Should you be worried if your man suddenly decides he wants to try being penetrated in his anus? Can't say. But I will say this, as open minded as I am, this is not something that would fly with me just because I just feel that certain roles shouldn't be crossed. In my mind, the woman is the ONLY one who should be getting ANY penetration and the man is the one who gives it to her. Now, if this is something that you and your man engage in and enjoy, then by all means, do your thing, honey. I'm not trying to knock you, I'm simply saying it's not something I'm into and it's not something I'd want my man to be into. So, you tell me your thoughts. Is a man who enjoys being the recipient of anal sex homosexual? Or do you think there just aren't enough open minded people who can accept that a man CAN like anal sex and NOT be gay?

I've added a video to youtube, check it out! Here's the link! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mS3J1LwKZsM&feature=share

Who Said Valentine's Day Was For Women?

Valentine's Day will be here before you know it and I'd like to say a few words on the event. I've always considered myself a hopeless romantic as those of you who've been following my blog already know and I like to wine and dine my man just like I want him to wine and dine me. That's just how I feel, however, as previously stated in another post, a lot of women don't share my opinion. Now, Valentine's Day isn't really a national holiday or anything, but it is considered a special day. One that is set aside for you to show that special someone in your life just how much you love and appreciate them, BUT many women feel it's the day that men are supposed to spend tons of money on them to prove they deserve them. I TOTALLY disagree. Valentine's Day is supposed to be to show that special someone you care, and that DOES include women buying or creating or whatever it is you want to do for your mate. Men aren't the only ones who are supposed to be coming out of pocket, setting up romantic evenings, or cooking a fancy meal that day. Valentine's Day is for everyone and although I'm sure most men aren't going to be too fond of the idea of receiving a teddy bear or roses, I'm certain you could find something masculine enough to let your man know you care. All I'm trying to say here is that women have to give what they want to receive. If you want romance, be willing to give romance. If you want him to spice things up, be willing to do things to spice things up on your end as well. And with that being said, let me also be sure to say that you shouldn't ONLY do nice things for your mate on special occasions. Valentine's Day IS set aside to show your mate how much you care, but it shouldn't be the only time you do so.

"The Bigger The Girl, The Better The Personality"???

So, I'm watching True Life on MTV yesterday and this episode is on called "I'm A Chubby Chaser". Okay, that's cool and everything until this one guy on the show says "Big girls aren't supposed to come with drama" and then later on in the show he says "The bigger the girl, the better the personality." I'm appalled beyond belief by these statements as I feel that is so discriminatory and not only that is's like wait, not only are women being discriminated against based on color, "Black girls are too angry all the time" "White girls are easier to handle" "Asian girls REALLY know how to take care of a man" for example, but we're also discriminated against based on our body types? I mean, really? Oh, and let me not forget that we're also discriminated against based on our looks as far as what's considered to be beautiful to others "Pretty girls suck in bed" "Ugly girls are awesome in bed because they have to REALLY try to keep a man" for example. Seriously??? Do women even do that for men? Yeah, I know we judge based on race for the size of the penis and sometimes even for certain personality traits, but is it even to this extreme? I don't know about you all, but I just couldn't even fathom this concept. It's like if you're thin and black, you're the worst of the worst, but if you're big and white, you're the best of the best? Is that how it works? Is there even really any truth to this?

Behind Every Good Man, There's A Good Woman

Sorry it took so long for an edit, but here goes... Okay, so every knows or should know the story behind President Barack and First Lady Michelle Obama's relationship. In a nutshell, she saw the potential for great things in him and decided to stand by him while he reached that potential. See, I'm a believer in the saying "behind every good man there's a good woman" because have you noticed that there's never been a single president in office? Or that when a man gets ready to run for any type of political position, he's married? Even if the pastor of a church is single, people are skeptical. Here's my point, women were put here to be a man's helpmate, it's not good for man to be alone and God said that. Women can be the driving force that a man needs to push him to the limit, to get him to be all that he can be. Women are often times just what a man needs in order to reach his full potential, just take a step back and look at all the great men in history. Am I saying that men just HAVE to have a woman in their lives in order to do great things? Of course not, there are plenty of great men who are single and there are even some who had the wrong woman behind them and they ended up going down the wrong path. But what I am saying is that we, as women, and even more as black women have to learn to look at more than what a man has to offer us or what he can do for us. Yes, we're strong and yes, we are educated, independent, etc, but if we didn't have someone pushing us, whether if be family, friends, or only ourselves, would we be all those things? Learn to look at a person and see the potential, see them trying and realize that just because he wasn't rich or educated or whatever it is that you want him to be when you met him, that doesn't mean he will always be in that position. And let me not leave without saying a man who doesn't have anything and isn't trying to get anything is not what you need, but if you're employed, have a degree, and feel you are successful, don't knock a man who has a job just because he doesn't have a degree or isn't working a job you feel is suitable. You have to redefine a "good" man. At least he has a job and is trying to do for himself, that's a lot more than can be said for a lot of other brothers, so that makes him a good man.

Starting Fresh

It's 2012 and thank God we're here to see it! It's been a while and I hope you guys missed me like I've missed you. I just wanted to let you all know that I'm still here and I'm still writing. I'll have new topics up for you soon. I'm starting fresh and for those of you whose year wasn't up to par last year, I hope you are, too.

Peace and blessings,
Kina