Is Trust Given Or Earned?

Ok, so I know that these days it can be extremely, extremely hard to trust people. With all the cheating and scandalous behavior we hear about on a day to day basis, trusting ANYBODY seems like a big joke. How are you expected to trust your mate when your neighbors who have been together for more than 15 years have just announced they are getting a divorce and you were told it is due to infidelity? Or you have a friend or acquaintance who is in a "committed" relationship, but he/she loves telling you about all the wild crazy nights he/she has with numerous other people? Or worse even, thinking about your cousin who was in what seemed to be in a very happy marriage until his/her spouse just vanished and left him/her with the kids? Those are just a few examples of all the craziness we witness each day from those around us and I am certain it often makes us wonder how we can trust and believe that anyone is genuine and real in our own lives and relationships. And that brings me to my question;should trust be given or earned? Is it fair to make your make mate prove him or herself to you when they have done nothing to show themselves untrustworthy in the first place? Is there a happy medium where you can give a little trust, but not fully trust until your S.O. proves they are worthy? Here is what I think. People are people and that will never change, but each person is their own person entitled to being treated fairly unless they show you otherwise. Just because you know of a person who trusted someone else and that situation ended badly doesn't mean that will happen to you. And just because a person was one way in the past doesn't always mean they are that way now. PEOPLE CAN CHANGE!

Let's Wait A While

The sex is intense. You can't keep your hands off him/her. You guys have sex three to four times a week. Then suddenly a bomb is dropped. He/she wants you all to become celibate until marriage. Pump the brakes! Where in the world did this come from? Especially considering up until this point, neither of you have been overly religious. How are you supposed to react to this? Is that even possible? Is it even fair that they ask something like this of you? Alright, so, here's MY opinion on this. IF I could actually find a man who would suggest this AND I could see that he was doing it for the right reasons, I would definitely be along for the ride. However, if I didn't really believe this guy was doing it for the right reasons or I felt there was something he wasn't telling me, I'd probably have my bags packed. Let me just say though, if it's for the right reasons and I see that he is trying to obey God not only in that aspect of his life, but in all other aspects as well, first I'd have to be sure he wasn't a figment of my imagination, but then I would feel blessed to have him in my life and admire him for not conforming to the world and all its goingson. How do you think you would react? Is that something you would be down for?

If Women Have All The Power...

So I've been thinking. I have heard it said that women have all the power. Which leads me to wonder if this is true why there are so many women in unhealthy relationships, why so many women hate one another, why so many women want to chase men? Just saying, if women have all the power, why the hell are so many of us unaware of how to use it? Is it that we don't know our worth? Have we simply given up on being strong, virtuous women? I don't know where the problem started, but ladies, we need to wake up. We are God's most prized possession and we need to start acting like it. Stop letting men tear you down, hold you back, and make a fool out of you! It is time to become empowered again!

Where Are Those Good Old Fashioned Values?

Ok, so we all know what year it is right? Of course we do! It's 2013! With that being said, do you think it would be fair for either man or woman to expect their mate to take on the traditional role of man or woman? Let me explain what I mean. I mean, the traditional role where the woman does all the cooking, cleaning, "taking care of house and home, taking care of the kids and working only from home. I mean, the men working outside of the house, paying all the bills, managing all the money, making all the big decisions. In today's world, do you think that's a fair expectation? Here is my take on it, I think that men and women were each given pretty specific roles determined by the Almighty God and those are roles we should abide by. Am I saying I think women should NOT work outside the home? Absolutely not. Am I saying men should handle all the bills and make all the big decisions? Absolutely not. What I AM saying, however, that women should be the helpmeet and be the support their men need no matter if it's cooking a few times a week, cleaning things as best they can, or being the primary caretaker of the kids if the situation calls for this type of arrangement. Now, to that same token, I think men should ALWAYS remain the head of the household in regards to taking care of most of the bills and making a lot of big decisions, BUT I also think men should be willing to get in the kitchen and cook a meal every now and then themselves, as well as cleaning and taking care of the kids. I realize that some men actually are the ones doing the cooking, cleaning, etc, so I'm just speaking from a generalized stand point. It is what it is though. What works for one couple may not work for the next.

Mixing Business With Pleasure

It happens pretty often. You start a new job, or while working an old job, you are introduced to a coworker you find attractive. You don't know what to do. Should you let him/her know how you feel? Is it inappropriate to date him/her? How should you handle this situation? Here are my thoughts,  IF YOU ARE BOTH SINGLE that is! You should definitely tread lightly because it's a complicated thing, mixing business with pleasure. Some people, no matter their age, are not able to handle it. They don't know how to be discreet or how to continue being cordial in the workplace if things take a turn for the worse outside the workplace. There are definitely examples of relationships that started in the workplace and ended up being happily ever after, heck even the President and First Lady are an example of that, HOWEVER, there are also examples of relationships that started in the workplace and went horribly wrong. And yes, I know that relationships can go wrong no matter where you meet, I'm just saying that a  relationship that started in the workplace that goes wrong might end up being worse. Think about it, if the relationship goes wrong and you work with that person, that could possibly affect your job. Sometimes people are unpredictable, you never know what a person is capable of. He/she could decide to try and sabotage your career simply because you tell them you know longer want to be with them. Everything from firing you if he/she is the boss, spreading vicious lies/rumors about you, discussing what you guys did in the bedroom with fellow coworkers, etc. And ladies, let me just tell you, although it is said that men are totally the ones who WON'T connect emotionally if you all have sex, this is not always the case! So, my advice to you, both men AND women, is to REALLY REALLY think hard before starting a relationship whether it is ONLY sexual or not with a coworker.

Are White Men More Faithful Than Black Men?

Ok, so, that question is one I come to wonder about more often as of late. I always hear about black men cheating and staying out all night, just plain doing their women wrong, however, to that same token, it seems that white men's indiscretions aren't as widely discussed. Now, don't get me wrong, I HAVE heard multiple stories of white men cheating and doing wrong, too, but what I'm saying is I don't hear those types of things as often. I've often heard that "all men are dogs", but there are many different breeds of dogs which leads me to wonder if black men and white men are dogs of different breeds. Just saying, seems white men get married more often, they provide for their families more often, they just seem to be more... Put together. And again let me clarify something, I'm not saying that there aren't black men out there who provide for, protect, and love their families to the very best of their abilities because I have definitely seen great examples of that. There are exceptions to every rule, not every man is the same and you can't say that just because someone is of a particular race they are a certain way. All I'm asking is, in your experience or from your observations, do you think white men are more faithful? Maybe I need to venture out more to different parts of the world and view different cultures in order to learn that black men ARE in fact great partners IN GENERAL and that they CAN truly be faithful...

Is It Selfish To Put Yourself First?

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I know that there are people who will be on the opposing end of this post. Deciding who may potentially become your child's mother or father is the first decision you make as a parent. However, no matter if you are with that person six months or six years before having a child, you can not foresee the future or predict how the relationship will turn out. When a child becomes involved, things become increasingly complicated and if things are going south, it can be extremely hard to decide whether or not to part ways with your mate. I have said before and I will say again that I believe you should NOT stay JUST for the kid(s). Your happiness is vital to your child(ren)'s happiness. After all, children are more intuitive than we give them credit for. Now, I know some people feel it is selfish to put your happiness on the forefront once children are involved, but know that your child(ren) learn first from watching you. If you are in a relationship that is toxic, DON'T STAY THERE! If your partner is showing signs of disrespect, disregard, unfaithfulness, etc and you feel their behavior is unacceptable, LEAVE! Leave and give your child(ren) a chance to see what a healthy relationship looks like, how a man should treat a woman, how a woman should treat a man. If you end up remaining single, teach them about having standards and also about becoming what they want to attract. Try models of healthy relationships to take them around. It is NOT selfish to put yourself first, in fact, in these types of situations, putting yourself first will benefit not only you, but your kid(s).

Could You Stay If You Were Sexually Incompatible?

So... Yeah, I'm writing again. LOL Anyways, we all know, or at least we SHOULD all know, what we want from our mates when it comes to sex. Are you someone who likes to try new things? Sex toys? Public places? Are you more of a person who likes to keep it simple? Same positions? Same place? Ask yourself these questions. Now think about your mate. What type of person is he/she sexually? Are you guys on the same page sexually? Okay, so now that we've thought about that, let me explain what I mean by sexually incompatible. In my mind, sexually incompatibility would be where one partner feels being adventurous in bed is the way to go while the other partner feels keeping it plain and simple is the way. Or maybe one partner is ready to get it on any time day or night 24/7 while the other partner likes it maybe every other week or so. Now, there are in fact ways to work on this issue. You could try sex therapy, slowly introducing sex toys or porn, you could try expressing to your partner your wants and needs, to name a few. Sex, I feel, is a big part of relationships, however, it isn't the only part of relationships nor is it the most important. So, what you'd next need to ask yourself is, do you really want to deal with a partner you are not sexually compatible with? Could you deal with that? I mean, really, do you think the issue could be resolved?

Let He Who Is Without Sin...

Ok, so, I know I'm late with this, but I am just now taking the time to read about the controversy concerning Kandi Burruss putting out a gospel track featuring Marvin Sapp titled Prayed Up. Here is my take on that, we ALL have faults and have made mistakes and have things in our pasts that we are not necessarily proud of and regardless to whether or not it involved sex, it was NOT pleasing to God and we knew it. I say that to say "let he who is WITHOUT sin cast the first stone". I know some people are saying you shouldn't straddle the fence or in other words you shouldn't be broadcasting your life of sin for the world to see while putting out songs praising God/Christianity, but on that, I would have to agree with a comment someone wrote on another website, her walk with God is HERS alone. God is the ONLY one who has a heaven or hell to put her in. He is the ONLY one who should judge her. We should be looking at the message, NOT the messenger as NO man is perfect or free from some type of sin.

Are Men Really The "Sensitive" Ones?

I have pondered this issue before and even posed the question to my friends on Facebook; do you think men are more insecure than women? Are men really the ones who are sensitive? I ask these questions, more recently due to something I read in a book. The character, Chante' was looking in the dictionary to see if there was a male equivalent for any of the derogatory terms defined for women. Words like slut and whore. She did not, however find any such male equivalents leading her to say that men "dish it, but can't take it". After reading those words, I began to think, you know... There are a lot of things that can "bruise a man's ego" or hurt his "pride". I'll give you a few examples to think about; obviously, if a woman has had more sexual partners, if a woman makes more money, if a woman has more education, if a woman is better at doing something men are "supposed" to be good at just to name a few. Now, don't get me wrong, I know that there are men out there who are so secure within themselves that these things may not bother them one bit, BUT I know that there are, of course, those guys out there who will feel less of a man being with a woman who possesses any of these characteristics. And yes, I also know that there are women who could be just as insecure about these things, but this post isn't about that. Anyway, those were just a few of my thoughts.

Don't Let Yourself Go

Whenever we get into a relationship and that relationship becomes long termn we all have a tendency to get comfortable and let ourselves "go". But if we want things to continue going good for us, we have to remember that what we in order to catch him or her is what we need to do to keep his/her attention. If you used to dress up for no reason in the beginning, you should continue to do so. If you brought her little surprises "just because" in the beginning then you should continue to do so. It's like I always say, spice things up a bit. Variety is the spice of life. Stop doing the same ole things every weekend. Stop eating at the same ole restaurants every night. Dress up, get your hair done/cut like you use to. Keep yourself up. Continue to exercise. Continue to do all the things that got your significant other to fall in love with you.

Give Love To Get Love

It's Valentine's Day!!! I know that some of you are rolling your eyes or feeling angry or maybe even sad because you're single and this day is notorious for being all about couples. I also know that some of you don't believe in celebrating Valentine's Day although you are in a relationship because you feel you don't need a day set aside to show love, you do that year round. However, I am here to ask that everyone just show love to others. Whether it is family, friends, a coworker, or someone you don't know. Show that you care. Buy a gift for someone you no has no one to buy them anything. Volunteer your services at a shelter, hospital, or nursing home. When you are a blessing to someone else, you are a blessing to yourself, whether you're in a relationship or not.

Facebook Is NOT A Place To Vent

I have said it before and I will say it again, you should keep your business to yourself! I understand that we all had moments when we feel angry or sad or even depressed, but putting your "whole life story" on Facebook or Twitter or any other social networking site. I have seen status updates about people's sex life, about somebody sleeping with someone else's mate, and even some about people getting excited about going grocery shopping with food stamps. My point n this being that NOBODY needs to know so much of your business. Did you know that some companies now check out people's Facebook profile before deciding whether or not to hire them? And besides it potentially being detrimental to relationships, you never know who's reading your updates. Stop telling people when you leave home, what type of car you drive, how much money you make, etc. Letting people know your every move is dangerous and could most definitely end up being something on the six o'clock news. All I'm saying is learn to use some discretion or you could pay the consequences.

Everybody Plays The Fool Sometimes

It's always easier to point out the negative in someone else's situation when truth be told things would be a lot better if we all took a step back and looked at our own situation. We have all done things we are not proud of, we have all been disappointed in things we've done, and most of all, we have ALL played the fool. No matter if you dated someone who cheated, someone who did not have your best interest at heart or someone who just really what you knew you needed. The pot should never be bold enough to call the kettle black because after all you surely know what that feels like. I said all that to say, in essence, mind your own business and unless it is asked for, keep your two cents to yourself. Only God can judge and if it's someone you love playing the fool, just kow that when they get fed up, they'll leave. And if the fool is you and you're busy talking down about someone else's situation, you need to sweep around your own front door.

Self Esteem Issues

While watching one of my guilty pleasures, The Real Housewives of Atlanta, I noticed a trend that I really loathe and have no clue where or when it started. That being said, after watching that show a few other things that fit into this category came to mind, so I decided to create a list. This lists consists of things that women THINK convey that they have high self esteem, but they really don't.

1. Wearing a ton of make -up to show that you're beautiful... Yeah, make up should ENHANCE your beauty, NOT create it

2. Base how sexy you feel on how many men compliment you or ask you out... You should feel sexy all on your own regardless to whether or not a man says something to you

3. Wearing skimpy clothes all the time living by the whole "if you got it, flaunt it" mantra... Your self esteem should be based on more than the way you dress and although it's okay to "flaunt" a little something (I'm not saying let it all hang out though) every now and then, you should definitely used discretion when deciding what to wear

4. ALWAYS talking about how beautiful/gorgeous/fabulous you are... If you truly believe you're beautiful, gorgeous, fabulous or whatever else, you don't have to tell people, actions speak louder than words

Guys, I have a list coming for you soon!

CAN Men and Women Really Be "Just Friends"?

So, this is a question that I believe comes up pretty often when talking about relationships and love. And there are people, of course, on both sides of the issue. Some people think that men and women absolutely, positively can NOT be friends as someone will become attracted to the other person and thus have an ulterior motive for keeping them around while others believe it most certainly is possible since they have friends of the opposite sex whom they feel absolutely NO attraction to. Now, I will be honest and say that I do have male friends that I have never dated, whom I have never even so much as kissed or even wanted to think about in "that way" before, however, after following Mr. Chey B who is also a blogger and life/relationship coach, I can't be sure that those males friends aren't feeling something totally different than me. He says that men are friends with women for one particular reason, the possibility of sex. Either they've gotten it before and stick around to see if they can get it again or they haven't gotten it and are waiting to see if they'll ever get it. I'm not a man so I can not possibly tell you what goes thru a man's mind which is why I definitely appreciate Chey B for his insight into the male mind. But what are your thoughts, CAN men and women really ever be "just friends"?

If He Asks For A DNA Test...

I have covered this topic before and heard from people on both sides of the issue. I have heard from men saying "Guys have a right to protect themselves, too." And women who have absolutely, positively no problem with men asking for DNA tests. But I've also heard from men and women who agree that if a man asks for a DNA test there's some type of trust issue there. I have my own opinion and it is that, TO ME, no matter how you swing it, there definitely must be a underlying trust issue if he asks for a DNA test. No matter if he has dealt with a previous woman or women lying about the paternity of the baby, he knows someone who dealt with a situation where it turned out the baby wasn't his, or he has someone pushing him to be sure he has a test performed. I personally just think that he has some insecurity be it from infidelity on her side or just plain ole insecurity if he wants the test done... What are your views? Tell me below.

Talk About Your Finances

We all know that the divorce rates in the US are ridiculous, but did you also know that the top reasons for divorce do not include infidelity? Although, it may not be THE top reason, financial issues, whether it be one person spending too much money while the other tries to save or resentment that one person makes a substantial amount more money than their spouse, are high on the list. That is why I would caution you to discuss concerns about finances BEFORE taking that walk down the aisle. Make it your business to find out/pay attention to your partner's spending patterns, make sure you two will be able to handle the bills that are sure to roll in, try to come up with a budget together. Just make sure you guys will be financially sound in order to aid in building a solid foundation for  your marriage.

Yeah... But I Need My Headwrap Though

Alright, so, I've been reading a few things online about a discussion that I'm guessing took place on the Michael Baisden show about women and their head wraps, scarves, head rags, bonnets, etc. It appears that the discussion was saying that men would like for women not to wrap their hair up at night before going to bed. Well, I have to say that I think this is ridiculous! While I'd agree that it wouldn't be a bad idea for women to not wrap their hair up at least every now and then, most of us actually do wrap our hair for a reason. For one, if we didn't wrap our hair, it would get all out of place and messy meaning we'd have to get up the next morning and flat iron, curl, or whatever it is that we must do in order to make our hair manageable and adding extra heat to your hair is definitely NOT recommended. So once we stop wrapping our hair and using heat to manage it each day and our hair becomes damaged possibly to the point of it falling out and we decided to wear wigs or weaves or hair pieces to fix the problem men will have a problem with that, too. Then the issue will be that we USED to wear our real hair and now all we wear is weave. What men fail to realize is that the things we wrap our hair in help us to keep our hair not only in place but help to keep it moisturized and healthy. We wrap our hair as much for ourselves as we do for you, men. We want to keep our hair looking nice so we can keep you around. So we can look professional at work. So we can have confidence in ourselves because WE think we look good. So in essence, head wraps and rags are apart of what makes us unique.

Act Like A Gentleman, Think Like A Woman?

So... I'm definitely not saying there's anything wrong with reading books for dating advice, I mean, I am guilty of reading AND enjoying quite a few of those books myself. But I can't help but notice they all seem to be geared towards women, but why is that? Are women so uninformed that every person who ever wants to write a book on getting a relationship, keeping a relationship, or just making dating more fulfilling has to write a how to guide for them? I'm not saying that there aren't dating guides out there for men, too, but I can't say that I could name any right off the top of my head like I could dating guides for women. I'm just saying, if men are SO simple and women SO complex why aren't THEY the ones having to have so many books written to help them? Understand also that a lot of men aren't as into reading as women are, but come on, seriously? Maybe someone, preferably a woman, should write a book for men telling them how a woman wants and needs to be treated. Maybe they should think about telling men how to act, too. Just saying.

Don't Let That Stop You!

Ok, so I'm feeling like being inspirational today. I want us all to realize that no matter who you are or where you are, we all have a past. We have regrets, we've all made mistakes. No one and I mean absolutely no one is perfect and we should all keep that in mind. That being said, you can not let your past make you ashamed or feel less than. You CAN overcome! Whatever it is tat you want to do, go for it! Believe, have faith, don't give up! No matter what your dream, it can be accomplished. Don't let anyone tear you down! You can become tat lawyer, doctor, singer, whatever. You can have the family you want. You can have the nice house, car, money. You can have a great life!

All I Want... A Big Booty H*e

I am sure that many of us have heard the 2 Chainz song "Birthday Song" in which he makes it VERY clear that all he wants for his birthday is "a big booty h*e". Now I have no doubt that many of you listen to this song, sing along to ALL the lyrics, dance all night to it and have absolutely no problem with it at all, but I'm here to tell you that I do. Why? Because I am sick and tired of this nonsense! Why must our music include the same degrading, ignorant, down right disrespectful crap? And worse yet, why do we keep listening to, downloading, and promoting it? I'm not speaking only to the ladies on this one, although we definitely play a HUGE role in this. I've said it before and I'll say it again; we have got to demand better for ourselves. Don't answer to h*e, b*tch, sl*t, etc. You are more than your body, much more than your looks, more valuable than to be used for sex and thrown away. And guys, do you ever stop to think how you'd feel if some man said the things that you say to girls on the street to your mom, grandmom, daughter, etc? Just because something is popular that does not make it right.We need a change. What happened to men actually "courting" women, being romantic, and taking the time to get to know a woman BEFORE trying to get them into bed? What happened to women acting like ladies, knowing their worth and not throwing themselves at men opting instead to let him chase her before jumping into bed?  Can we ever go back to that?

Check With Your Man First

It is definitely true that some people will do anything in their power to break up a happy home and in a lot of cases, the reason is simply that e person does not have a happy home of their own. They will make up all types of lies about you and/or your partner, try their best to catch you in compromising positions, and even go so far as to show up to your place unannounced to make it appear that more is going on than there really is. The bottom line is that the saying "misery loves company" does have truth to it. You have to realize this and beware of your surroundings. Relationships are built on trust so no matter what others are telling you, unless you feel in your heart they're or you have solid proof, you ask your partner about it and believe what they say. Sometimes people want what they can't have, your man or woman included. So the next time someone comes to you trying to tell you what YOUR mate is doing wrong, ladies, do as Madea said and check with your man first. And guys, check with your lady first.