Are We Too Selfish For Relationships?

I always hear people talking about what they want in a girl or guy, how they want them to look, what they want them to be like, etc, but you rarely hear people talk about what they want to be like for their partner. People are so quick to ask what you can do for them rather than what they can do for someone else. People are always like what about me? What do YOU have to offer ME? Have you ever asked yourself what you're doing so that you can attract what it is that you want? And I'm not just talking finances or education. Although you can't be lazy, sitting at home on the couch doing nothing and expecting to get someone who works hard each and every day to make money to support themselves. Or act immature all the time and hanging with immature people while expecting to meet someone who is mature and ready to be serious. But back to what I was saying. What about the person you are physically? If you want someone who's physically fit, wouldn't you also want to be physically fit? What you give off is what you'll attract. Not many people who are in great shape physically want to date a person who isn't. If you want someone who is good at keeping a house in order, shouldn't you at least learn to pick up after yourself first? Nobody wants to be someone else's maid or butler. All I'm saying is we should all think a bit more into what WE can bring to the table to sweeten the deal for our partners or future partners. Nobody owes us anything. We shouldn't be so worried about what he/she brings to the table if we really have nothing to offer them in return. Be real with yourself and ask what it is that you have to offer someone else. What are your thoughts on this? Let me hear from you, please leave comments.

Why Date A Man Who Won't Take Care Of His Kids?

Absentee fathers are definitely a problem in this community so ladies, if you have a child by a man who takes care of his kids, you should definitely consider yourself lucky. There are plenty of single mothers around here that will attest to that. It's hard raising a child on your own and it's even more sad to think about the fact that it's a common occurrence. Here is my question though, if you know a man has a child or children and refuses to help take care of them, why would you even CONSIDER dating him? What kind of person would knowingly create then neglect an innocent child or children? I mean, what does that say about the kind of man he is? What does that say about you for supporting him in his decision to neglect his kids? Now, let me make it clear that I do know situations where fathers actually WANT to be there for their kids, but because they don't want a relationship with the mothers or have already moved on and have new ladies in their lives, the mothers won't allow them to be in the kids' lives and in those cases, shame on the moms. Realize what you're doing to these kids by denying them the right to have fathers in their lives.We've got to do better. Ladies, think about this, if he doesn't take care of his kids with her chances are he won't take care of the kids he has with you. And why would you even want that kind of guy in your life? He's not a real man if he's not willing to take care of his responsibilities. Don't be an enabler.

Flirting: How Far Is Too Far?

Flirting. It typically isn't a topic that's discussed before getting in a committed relationship although it should be. Everyone's idea of what is appropriate and inappropriate is different. In some cases, it is vastly different and because people don't talk about it, they assume that what they think is okay is what their partner thinks it okay. This is why I'm always saying communication is key. One partner may think it's okay to sent flirty texts to someone other than their significant other as long as they don't send sexy pictures while the other partner disagrees. Or one partner may think touching someone's thighs or brushing up against them in "intimate" areas is fine as long as they don't have sex while again the other partner disagrees. One partner might even think it's okay to "bump and grind" with a stranger in a club as long as that's as far as it goes while yes, the other partner disagrees. What is considered flirting and what's considered cheating or borderline cheating? Do you think flirting is ever appropriate when you're in a relationship? This is something that should definitely be talked about before making a commitment to someone, you should always make sure the boundaries are clearly defined. You can't expect someone to know what you think is appropriate or inappropriate if you don't communicate your feelings to them. Flirting can cause a lot of unnecessary drama if not approached in the right way, that is why I can't say enough that communication is key.

Encourage Yourself

Sometimes it's hard to stay encouraged that the things you want to happen in life will happen. Sometimes people say so many hateful things to you just because you're trying to do something good for yourself and they can't stand to see you succeed. It doesn't matter if your something good is going to school,  saving up to buy a new car, applying for a better job, getting married to the one you love, or moving into a nicer neighborhood. Some people will try to tear you down no matter what. The funny thing is you don't have to do anything negative to them in order for them to want to hurt you. In fact, the person or people trying to tear you down might not even be people you know. Yet in other, more hurtful cases, they are people you love and trusted like so called friends and/or family. God tells us not to put our trust in man because man will fail you every time. He tells us to put our trust in Him and he will provide us with all we need. I certainly know all about people saying bad things and trying to tear people down just when they're trying to turn their life around for the better. I've had people say some of the most hurtful things about me, things that hurt me so deep I didn't know how I would go on., but I knew I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let the negative things people said about me keep me from becoming the woman God wanted me to be. I had to pray for the strength to get up each and every day and keep moving forward. I prayed for the strength to encourage myself so that I could be an encouragement to someone else. So, here are a few scriptures to help you through whatever it is you may be struggling with today. No matter what people have said about you, no matter what they have done to you, remember there is a greater force within you and he'll give you the strength to go on. Things will be toughest right before your breakthrough. You have to go through the test in order to have your testimony.
"May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word." 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
"Lord, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear, to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, that the man of the earth may oppress no more." Psalm 10:17-18
"Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved." Psalm 55:22
"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also." John 14:1,3
"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12-13

Single By Choice Or Force?

I am often asked, as I'm sure most single women are, why I'm single. People are like you're attractive, you're smart, you're sweet, what's the deal? Then here comes the question that always gets under my skin, what's wrong with you? Now, I'm not saying that gets under my skin to imply that I'm perfect because Lord knows I'm not, however, I do happen to believe I'm a great catch. I can cook, I'm smart, I have ambitions, no kids, yada, yada, yada. And I know plenty of attractive, loving, intelligent women who are single in Mississippi and people on the outside looking in are wondering why. Well, I'm here to shed some light on the situation if I could. I can't speak for all single women, but I can share my opinion on my situation and that of many of the single women I have come in contact with. First of all, a lot of people think the only way to go out and have fun around here is to go to the club, drink, and/ or smoke and I'm sorry, that's just not my thing therefore, I'm thought to be lame by some of my peers which is fine by me, that doesn't make me want to change who I am. Secondly, I go to church and when I take a look around and the ratio of men to women is comical. They say good men are in church and frankly, I'd have to disagree. It's more like a crowd of women with men sprinkled here and there, not to mention most of those men are old enough to be my dad or granddad. Next, single women are told to go out and participate in activities that they enjoy so that if they meet a man there, they already know they have something in common. Okay, here's the problem with that here, activities I like to do include shopping, reading, writing, cooking, talking on the phone, not really activities guys go for. I'm not into sports, don't wear tennis shoes, and I don't listen to rap so... Yeah, I'm a bit weird amonst my peers. And even going to open mic nights here because I like listening to poetry was unequaled, there were like 1000 girls to every 1 guy. Of course I'm exaggerating but you get my drift. What I'm trying to say is, just because we are single doesn't mean there's anything wrong with us. Perhaps we're just individuals who don't conform to the norm and therefore aren't as available to guys. Maybe we like doing things that most guys our age aren't into and therefore we remain single. Does this mean we're forced to be single? No, we could always go for a guy whose interests are nothing close to ours just to say we have a "boo", but most of us aren't willing to go that route. So that's certainly our choice. I just felt I had to say a few words on this issue as it bugs the hell out of me for people to assume something is "wrong" with single women for no reason other than they're single!

You Want Me To Let You Put That Where? (Anal Sex)

The topic of anal sex is still somewhat taboo, some people feel like it's gross and some even think it's wrong. Well, I think it's like I always say, to each his own. I decided to write this post today and give a few pros and cons when it comes to anal sex. Let's start with the good things first. Anal sex for some can be VERY pleasurable as there are nerve endings in the anus that you do not have anywhere else and I've also heard that orgasms from anal sex are MUCH more intense than those experienced from vaginal sex. Anal sex adds variety to your sex life as it is different than vaginal sex in that it's supposed to be a much tighter fit which is what is pleasurable to the man involved. Now a couple of cons. Ladies, just like your first time having vaginal sex, anal sex is painful in the beginning which is why it is suggested that you use lots of lubrication when trying to insert the penis into that area. You're also more afraid to try anal sex because you're afraid it may get...messy and you'll be embarrassed which means you tense up and make penetration back there harder. So, here are a few pointers on anal sex just in case you want to try or if you've tried it and want to make it better. Please, please, please make sure you are ready to try it before you get started. Once you've established that you want to do it, take it nice and slow. Maybe have a nice drink, wine, champagne, etc to loosen up a bit, then start with foreplay to get more into the mood. Make sure that once you're ready to "get it in" you lube and strap up (PLEASE PRACTICE SAFE SEX! I really can not say this enough) and ladies, try to relax as much as you can. Guys, please remember that you must take your time when entering and still be gentle once you're inside. This is not the time to "beat it up". Once you're both comfortable and feeling good, do what you do. Have fun with it. Oh, and if you're afraid of things getting messy, be sure to stop by the bathroom before getting started, make sure you shower up so that you'll feel more comfortable with the situation.

For Better, For Worse

Alright, let's say you met this guy and he was your everything, he treated you like a queen and spoiled you. He was there for you when things were looking up and when they were looking down. He fit in exceptionally well with your family and they loved him. You all decide to move in together and things between you two couldn't be better, suddenly things take a turn for the worse. He loses his job and is no longer able to spoil you the way he used to, his fancy car you just loved riding around in is repossessed, and you are barely able to keep lights on and water running. Would you stay with him? Is he still everything that you want in a man even though he is now flat broke?
On the flip side, guys, let's say you meet this gorgeous woman with long, beautiful hair. She's sweet, intelligent, ambitious, everything you want in a woman. You know right away she's your future "wifey". Your friends lover her, your family loves her, things couldn't be better in your relationship with her. You've never felt this good in your life. You buy a new house for you all to move into, you buy a ring to propose to her, then the bomb is dropped. She's diagnosed with cancer. She's in and out of the hospital, she loses all of her long, beautiful hair, and she loses a lot of weight so she no longer has that spectacular figure that helped attract you to her in the first place. Would you stay? Is she still everything you want in a woman although she's sick and as a result no longer looks the same? My point in writing this post is this, I hear people talking about how much they love this person or that person. How much they can't wait to marry them only to pick up and leave when times get rough. I challenge each of you to take a step back and think about these scenarios and the person you're with, would you stay with them if anything bad were to happen? Would you still love them the same? Please, please take the time to think about this before making the decision to get married.