Don't Let Your Friends Be Your Downfall

I just want to point something out to each and everyone of my readers. Not everyone you think is your friend is truly your friend. SOMETIMES your “friends” will hurt you more than help you. Picture this, you and your boyfriend/girlfriend are doing great, you’re getting along well, spending plenty of quality time together, etc. Then one day you share with your friends something that has been bothering you about your mate and their first reaction is “Girl, if I was you, I’d leave him.” Or “Man, you need to leave that girl alone.” And now you’re second guessing your relationship and wondering if you really should leave him or her. Now first of all, if your relationship is built on the right foundation you’d go talk to your mate FIRST and not only that a TRUE friend would say “Why don’t you talk to him/her about it if it’s really bothering you?” Bam! Right there. End of discussion. Point blank period. My point in all this is you need to be able to discern who is truly for you and who isn’t. The saying really is true, misery loves company and sometimes that miserable person will disguise him/herself as a friend. Just be careful because not everyone one you think is for you wants to see you happy or watch your relationship succeed if theirs is crappy or they aren’t in one. Word to the wise, keep your relationship issues between you and your mate.

Just Hold On

The key is knowing exactly what you want and truly sticking with it. Beware of wolves in sheep's clothing! Okay, let me break it down for you. You meet a guy/girl, he/she seems like the man/woman of your dreams in the beginning, but as time goes on, you realize they are anything but. He/she has an amazing body/great looks, but their personality is not even the least bit interesting. Or you meet someone and they are the sweetest, most intellectual thing, but their looks aren't the best. Now, I'm a firm believer that looks aren't everything BUT they DO count! You don't want to be with someone simply because they are nice and have some qualities that you want in a man/woman but you're not even remotely attracted to them, chances are you'll either end up cheating or miserable when you realize that if you'd just held out you'd have met someone with both the looks and personality you wanted. Now, let me back track and explain what I mean here, you may have your dream man or woman built up in your head, he/she is this tall, is of this body type, has this length hair, etc, but chances are your dream man or woman won't be exactly that and you'll still be attracted to them! Why? Because they will be the RIGHT person for you! Don't judge a book by it's cover! Just because he/she looks good doesn't mean he/she is good or right for you. See what his/her personality is like, find out what their values are, do they have goals for their life and are they working on trying to reach them? In a nutshell, what I'm saying is, don't lower your standards simply because you're lonely, have faith that the right guy/girl will come. He/she may not look as you expected but they will be just what I need. Am I saying God will send you an unattractive yet intellectual guy/girl? No, I'm just saying they may not look as you imagined, they'll be attractive but maybe not in the ways you thought. Maybe he'll be a little shorter than you expected, maybe she'll have a different body type than you thought you wanted but in the end he/she will be the TOTAL package and that's all that matters, what you should hold out for.

7 Ways To Tell He Doesn't Really Want To Get Married

Women are NOTORIOUS for trying to change men or trying to change their minds about things that will never happen. With this in mind, I compiled a list of ways to tell that a man REALLY does NOT want to get married.

1. He straight out TELLS you he doesn't want to get married. I know a lot of us think "He doesn't really mean that" or "When he sees how good a woman I am, he'll change his mind". But ladies, a word of advice, if he says he doesn't want to get married BELIEVE HIM!

2. Words like wedding, marriage, reception are like kryptonyte to him, he seems to fade away at the mention of anything marriage related. If even the word marriage makes him hyperventilate. He's not ready, ladies.

3. You guys have "been together" for over a year and you have yet to meet any of his family or more than one or two friends. If he really thought you were a catch, he'd be showing you off to the world.

4. He makes plans for the future but you're not included in those plans.
If he can see you in his future, he'll include you in it. His way of speaking will go from I and me to us and we.

5. He is still messing around with other women and has no shame in his game. If he is flaunting other women and letting you know you're not the only one, why would you want to marry him anyway?

6. He doesn't include you in things that are important to him or you're included as an after thought. If he really wants to marry you, he wants to include you in things that are important to him... And things that aren't so important to him for that matter, he just wants YOU in his life

7. If he talks about marrying you but makes no real effort to show he's serious (i.e. not buying an engagement ring or buying a ring and putting off setting a date, setting a date and then backing out once planning begins). He either not ready, doesn't really know what he wants, or he's stringing you along. Either way, you have to figure out if you're going to stick around long enough to see if he'll really marry you.

Ride or Die B*tch vs Chick

I know a lot of you are probably thinking there really is no difference between the words chick and b*tch, but I beg to differ. In my mind, calling yourself a b*tch implies that you are harsh and... Um... Rugged is the only word I can think of to sort of, kind of fit what I'm thinking while chick seems to me is a bit more classy and soft/feminine. Now, to the title at hand, a ride or die chick differs from a ride or die b*tch in that she is the backbone of the relationship, she is going to hold you down meaning she's going to help you stay up, stay positive in this crazy world. She is going to encourage you to do better, to strive for greater. She is going to be loyal and straightforward enough with you to tell you when you're wrong and try to help you get it right NOT help you do wrong pretending that it is right. A ride or die chick would NOT help you run from the police or hide your gun, drugs, stolen possessions because a ride or die chick actually wants to have her man around therefore she wouldn't even THINK of being a part of any foolishness like that. Ride or die chicks would include women like Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Coretta Scott-King, Victoria Osteen, and Heather Lindsey. Being a ride or die chick has nothing to do with color and everything to do with character. What does it say about you that you would actually HELP your mate do wrong? Do you really think that's what makes you loyal? A woman is supposed to be her man's helpmate, she's supposed to help him to be better, he who findeth a wife is supposed to find a GOOD thing, not one who will support him in doing wrong. Just saying. Call me lame, but I'd rather be a woman who helps her man succeed than one who is ultimately helping him to self destruct.

Shower Me With Your Love

So... It's almost that time of year again! You know the time I'm talking about! The time where many break ups happen and men go broke trying to impress women and women gripe about receiving or not receiving flowers or candy or whatever it is they highly anticipate. Yep. That's right, I'm talking about Valentine's Day, the day for lovers. Here's my thing though, while I absolutely LOVE Valentine's Day and all things romance, I don't understand why people would think that going out of your way to make someone feel special should be reserved for this one day! Let me explain something to you, showing love and appreciation for your partner show be an everyday thing meaning Valentine's Day should be one of many days where you show love to your significant other. And ladies, I am NOT speaking only to men. Valentine's Day is NOT a holiday for women, it is a holiday for love. You should be romantic and affectionate to him just as much as you want him to be that way to you. Men may not want you to buy them flowers and teddy bears, but you can cook his favorite meal, go out and buy some new lingerie to model for him, initiate sex sometimes. Don't let Valentine's Day or any other show of appreciation or love be one sided. Men need to be shown they are loved, too. And fellas, don't be a coward and break up with a girl simply because you either don't have the money or desire to buy her something for Valentine's Day. Stop playing games, you either want to be with her or you don't, just be upfront. And strive to make each thing you do for her better than the last thing you did for her, never stop trying to woo her. That also goes for the ladies. Just saying, if you've got somebody you love and care about, let them know with your words and actions each day not just on special occasions.

Please Help Me Understand

I've seen it time after time after time. Guy meets girl, guy says he knows she's the one, he makes a "commitment" to her maybe even marries her but he continues to sleep with other women. WHY? It doesn't make any sense to me. If you want to continue sleeping around why make her believe you want to be in a stable, committed relationship? If you think she is "the one" why do you still feel the need to sleep with other women? I mean, is it that you know you love her and want to be with her but your afraid to give your all to one woman? What is it? I have no thoughts on this one because honestly this one baffles me. I do not understand why you would need continue "sowing your royal oats" if you say you've found the woman you want to be with for the rest of your life. Maybe it's just the immature, selfish side of some of you men and perhaps I will never fully understand this whole thing.

Did You Just... Pass Gas?!?

First of all, ladies, we all know that the pressures for us to always look good, be polite, and definitely smell good are real. So, what's a girl to do when she's with her man or potential man in close proximity and she's gassy as all get out? Should she excuse herself so she can poot in private? Should she hold it in until she just can't hold it anymore? Or should she just... Let it out? When is it okay to "let one out" around your mate or potential mate? And men, although you're not expected to always smell sweet, you don't want to smell foul either so, what are your thoughts on "letting one go? I once heard a family friend say his grandfather told him the way for a man to know he's found the right girl is if he passed gas around her and she stuck around afterward, never putting up too much of a fuss about it... What are your thoughts on this? Is there EVER a right time to pass gas around your mate? Is passing gas around other people just rude in your opinion? Hey! All I can say is, if it works for you... But me, personally, I do NOT want to smell your funk and I don't want you smelling mine. LOL

So Called Men

It just has to be said that the phrase "age ain't nothing but a number" would definitely be fitting here as age certainly does not make a man as it should. With age is supposed to come wisdom, but that really seems lacking as I take a look around from day to day. Let me give you the run down, guys, okay. First things first, SOME of you need to get rid of the whole "boys will be boys" mentality and I wish I could choke whoever came up with that. First of all, past age 18, you are no longer considered a boy and secondly, it is time for a change. Stop, I repeat, stop having multiple babies with multiple women you have no intention on marrying, producing kids you have no intentions on taking care of, and thinking it's okay. Stop trying to impress your friends who you know ain't worth jack squat anyway. Stop thinking it is cute to be 25, 35, and dare I say 45 stringing women along because you think it makes you look like "the man" or showing up to the club every weekend trying to see how many numbers you can get. If you want to call yourself a man then you need to present yourself as such. A MAN takes care of his responsibilities, respects himself and others, sets goals and goes after them and most of all he is clear about what he wants. All I am really trying to say here is, be responsible for truly being a man if you're going to call yourself one. And just FYI, if you are unemployed and not doing anything to change that, you have a child or children you do not support financially or any other way for that matter, live with your mom simply because you can, have a good girl but dog her out every chance you get, or spend the majority of your time doing unproductive things like playing video games all day long YOU ARE NOT A MAN!!! Wake up and do something about that! That is all.

Bitter Women

Maybe you'll be upset by me speaking up on this but oh well, my blog, my opinion. I just want to know WHY ARE WE SO FREAKING BITTER/ANGRY??? Listen, if you have been hurt in the past, this man or that man did you wrong, GET OVER IT! Realize that YOU have to accept your part in the situation, too. As the saying goes "a man can only do what you allow." Yes, it was wrong of him to lie to you, cheat on you, string you along or whatever it was that he did, but you played a part in it, too. You knew he was lying and stayed because you "loved" him. You knew he was cheating and stayed because you were his "main chick". You hung on when you knew he had absolutely no intentions on building a relationship with you because you thought a piece if a man was better than having no man at all. YOU made the decision to endure the things that he did to you so YOU need to take responsibility for that and stop taking it out on everyone else! Being bitter hurts no one but you. Let go and let God and see what a difference that will make. And if you have had failed relationship after failed relationship after failed relationship, maybe you should take a step back and examine yourself. Examine how you present yourself to men. Examine what it is that you truly want and don't settle for less! And most of all "above all else, guard your heart" (Proverbs 4:23)

Men, You've Got It All Wrong

A few days ago, I asked ladies to help me out and tell me some of the misconceptions they feel men have about women. Here are a few of the answers I got back and a couple that I thought of, too.

1. All women between the ages of 25 and 30 are desperate to be married and/or have babies. Wrong! Contrary to popular believe, there actually ARE women who DO NOT want children OR to ever get married. Yes, these women do exist.

2. Women want nothing more than to be in a relationship or marriage their entire life. Again WRONG! Women can be commitment phobes, too. We love our space and hanging out with our friends just as much as you do!

3. Women really aren't that into sex. The truth is, whether we admit it or not, women get horny, too. In fact, in MOST cases, we absolutely LOVE sex!

4. All women are weak and want a man to "save" them. Excuse me? Have you not heard of Miss Independent??? Yeah, that'd be a lot of us. We don't need you to save us, we need you to support us, there's a difference. And FYI, by support I'm NOT speaking of finances

5. Women are emotionally unstable. This is totally untrue, in fact, I'm inclined to believe it is you, men, who are emotionally unstable as you seem, in a lot of cases, unable to adequately express your feelings or truly deal with them properly.

6. Women love all that domestic stuff, cooking, cleaning, decorating, etc. Truth be told, we don't always like cooking and cleaning, we mainly do it because we know you aren't going to

7. Women fall right into parent mode as soon as they find out they're pregnant. Ahem! Let me say this clearly. News flash dudes, WOMEN ARE JUST AS SCARED AS YOU WHEN WE FIND OUT WE'RE PREGNANT!

These are just a few misconceptions I thought I would share, if you want more, be patient, there are more to come, maybe in a book... Never know. :)

If You Only Have Sex Once A Week...

Now I would definitely NOT advise anyone to look to ANY "reality" show for words of wisdom or for ways to live your life, but to my surprise, an episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta actually made me think... In a good way. My thought was, if you really did have sex with your husband once a week, would that be considered too little sex by most? Is this really what a lot of women feel to be acceptable while men beg to differ? IS there a such thing as too much sex? Alright, so I'm not married so I can't really say how these things go, but I've heard quite a few times that for whatever reason your sex life pretty much becomes nonexistent once you get married (I know this is not true for ALL married couples) and I'm not really sure why that would be. I mean, don't some people get married primarily so that they CAN have sex? Just saying, I'm confused. And shouldn't you set some types of agreement or at least talk about a certain number of times you and your partner feel is acceptable to have sex BEFORE marriage? How does that whole no sex after marriage thing work? IS once a week really a good enough number of times to have sex? Every couple is different... To each his own. Just my thoughts...

When Did We Become So Desperate?

Upon taking a look at my surroundings, I have come to the realization that WE, as in women in general, have become so desperate to get and keep a man it's pathetic! How can we expect to really, truly have a successful relationship with a man if we really, truly don't value ourselves? We are mothers, sisters, daughters, wives, doctors, teachers, etc and yet, we think so little of ourselves that we will accept abuse ( whether that be physical or verbal), continuous infidelity, being used, and downright disrespect all for the sake of saying "well, at least I have a man". When did this change come about? When did we start to believe that having a piece of a man was better than having no man at all? When did we start feeling proud of ourselves for sleeping with knowingly taken men? How did we lose our self worth? How did we get to this point? Ladies, we ARE God's most priced possessions, our price is far more than that of rubies and yet, we subject ourselves to being treated as if we are worth no more than the trash thrown out on the streets. It is time we wake up and realize that we deserve better, that we owe it to ourselves to hold ourselves to a higher standard of living. It doesn't matter what you've done in the past, make up your mind today to settle for nothing less than the best. We need to lift each other up and celebrate each other's accomplishments rather than tearing each other down. Know that there IS a man out there for you who is SINGLE, successful, and waiting to meet you if you will only have faith and stop settling...

Is Trust Given Or Earned?

Ok, so I know that these days it can be extremely, extremely hard to trust people. With all the cheating and scandalous behavior we hear about on a day to day basis, trusting ANYBODY seems like a big joke. How are you expected to trust your mate when your neighbors who have been together for more than 15 years have just announced they are getting a divorce and you were told it is due to infidelity? Or you have a friend or acquaintance who is in a "committed" relationship, but he/she loves telling you about all the wild crazy nights he/she has with numerous other people? Or worse even, thinking about your cousin who was in what seemed to be in a very happy marriage until his/her spouse just vanished and left him/her with the kids? Those are just a few examples of all the craziness we witness each day from those around us and I am certain it often makes us wonder how we can trust and believe that anyone is genuine and real in our own lives and relationships. And that brings me to my question;should trust be given or earned? Is it fair to make your make mate prove him or herself to you when they have done nothing to show themselves untrustworthy in the first place? Is there a happy medium where you can give a little trust, but not fully trust until your S.O. proves they are worthy? Here is what I think. People are people and that will never change, but each person is their own person entitled to being treated fairly unless they show you otherwise. Just because you know of a person who trusted someone else and that situation ended badly doesn't mean that will happen to you. And just because a person was one way in the past doesn't always mean they are that way now. PEOPLE CAN CHANGE!

Let's Wait A While

The sex is intense. You can't keep your hands off him/her. You guys have sex three to four times a week. Then suddenly a bomb is dropped. He/she wants you all to become celibate until marriage. Pump the brakes! Where in the world did this come from? Especially considering up until this point, neither of you have been overly religious. How are you supposed to react to this? Is that even possible? Is it even fair that they ask something like this of you? Alright, so, here's MY opinion on this. IF I could actually find a man who would suggest this AND I could see that he was doing it for the right reasons, I would definitely be along for the ride. However, if I didn't really believe this guy was doing it for the right reasons or I felt there was something he wasn't telling me, I'd probably have my bags packed. Let me just say though, if it's for the right reasons and I see that he is trying to obey God not only in that aspect of his life, but in all other aspects as well, first I'd have to be sure he wasn't a figment of my imagination, but then I would feel blessed to have him in my life and admire him for not conforming to the world and all its goingson. How do you think you would react? Is that something you would be down for?

If Women Have All The Power...

So I've been thinking. I have heard it said that women have all the power. Which leads me to wonder if this is true why there are so many women in unhealthy relationships, why so many women hate one another, why so many women want to chase men? Just saying, if women have all the power, why the hell are so many of us unaware of how to use it? Is it that we don't know our worth? Have we simply given up on being strong, virtuous women? I don't know where the problem started, but ladies, we need to wake up. We are God's most prized possession and we need to start acting like it. Stop letting men tear you down, hold you back, and make a fool out of you! It is time to become empowered again!

Where Are Those Good Old Fashioned Values?

Ok, so we all know what year it is right? Of course we do! It's 2013! With that being said, do you think it would be fair for either man or woman to expect their mate to take on the traditional role of man or woman? Let me explain what I mean. I mean, the traditional role where the woman does all the cooking, cleaning, "taking care of house and home, taking care of the kids and working only from home. I mean, the men working outside of the house, paying all the bills, managing all the money, making all the big decisions. In today's world, do you think that's a fair expectation? Here is my take on it, I think that men and women were each given pretty specific roles determined by the Almighty God and those are roles we should abide by. Am I saying I think women should NOT work outside the home? Absolutely not. Am I saying men should handle all the bills and make all the big decisions? Absolutely not. What I AM saying, however, that women should be the helpmeet and be the support their men need no matter if it's cooking a few times a week, cleaning things as best they can, or being the primary caretaker of the kids if the situation calls for this type of arrangement. Now, to that same token, I think men should ALWAYS remain the head of the household in regards to taking care of most of the bills and making a lot of big decisions, BUT I also think men should be willing to get in the kitchen and cook a meal every now and then themselves, as well as cleaning and taking care of the kids. I realize that some men actually are the ones doing the cooking, cleaning, etc, so I'm just speaking from a generalized stand point. It is what it is though. What works for one couple may not work for the next.

Mixing Business With Pleasure

It happens pretty often. You start a new job, or while working an old job, you are introduced to a coworker you find attractive. You don't know what to do. Should you let him/her know how you feel? Is it inappropriate to date him/her? How should you handle this situation? Here are my thoughts,  IF YOU ARE BOTH SINGLE that is! You should definitely tread lightly because it's a complicated thing, mixing business with pleasure. Some people, no matter their age, are not able to handle it. They don't know how to be discreet or how to continue being cordial in the workplace if things take a turn for the worse outside the workplace. There are definitely examples of relationships that started in the workplace and ended up being happily ever after, heck even the President and First Lady are an example of that, HOWEVER, there are also examples of relationships that started in the workplace and went horribly wrong. And yes, I know that relationships can go wrong no matter where you meet, I'm just saying that a  relationship that started in the workplace that goes wrong might end up being worse. Think about it, if the relationship goes wrong and you work with that person, that could possibly affect your job. Sometimes people are unpredictable, you never know what a person is capable of. He/she could decide to try and sabotage your career simply because you tell them you know longer want to be with them. Everything from firing you if he/she is the boss, spreading vicious lies/rumors about you, discussing what you guys did in the bedroom with fellow coworkers, etc. And ladies, let me just tell you, although it is said that men are totally the ones who WON'T connect emotionally if you all have sex, this is not always the case! So, my advice to you, both men AND women, is to REALLY REALLY think hard before starting a relationship whether it is ONLY sexual or not with a coworker.

Are White Men More Faithful Than Black Men?

Ok, so, that question is one I come to wonder about more often as of late. I always hear about black men cheating and staying out all night, just plain doing their women wrong, however, to that same token, it seems that white men's indiscretions aren't as widely discussed. Now, don't get me wrong, I HAVE heard multiple stories of white men cheating and doing wrong, too, but what I'm saying is I don't hear those types of things as often. I've often heard that "all men are dogs", but there are many different breeds of dogs which leads me to wonder if black men and white men are dogs of different breeds. Just saying, seems white men get married more often, they provide for their families more often, they just seem to be more... Put together. And again let me clarify something, I'm not saying that there aren't black men out there who provide for, protect, and love their families to the very best of their abilities because I have definitely seen great examples of that. There are exceptions to every rule, not every man is the same and you can't say that just because someone is of a particular race they are a certain way. All I'm asking is, in your experience or from your observations, do you think white men are more faithful? Maybe I need to venture out more to different parts of the world and view different cultures in order to learn that black men ARE in fact great partners IN GENERAL and that they CAN truly be faithful...

Is It Selfish To Put Yourself First?

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I know that there are people who will be on the opposing end of this post. Deciding who may potentially become your child's mother or father is the first decision you make as a parent. However, no matter if you are with that person six months or six years before having a child, you can not foresee the future or predict how the relationship will turn out. When a child becomes involved, things become increasingly complicated and if things are going south, it can be extremely hard to decide whether or not to part ways with your mate. I have said before and I will say again that I believe you should NOT stay JUST for the kid(s). Your happiness is vital to your child(ren)'s happiness. After all, children are more intuitive than we give them credit for. Now, I know some people feel it is selfish to put your happiness on the forefront once children are involved, but know that your child(ren) learn first from watching you. If you are in a relationship that is toxic, DON'T STAY THERE! If your partner is showing signs of disrespect, disregard, unfaithfulness, etc and you feel their behavior is unacceptable, LEAVE! Leave and give your child(ren) a chance to see what a healthy relationship looks like, how a man should treat a woman, how a woman should treat a man. If you end up remaining single, teach them about having standards and also about becoming what they want to attract. Try models of healthy relationships to take them around. It is NOT selfish to put yourself first, in fact, in these types of situations, putting yourself first will benefit not only you, but your kid(s).

Could You Stay If You Were Sexually Incompatible?

So... Yeah, I'm writing again. LOL Anyways, we all know, or at least we SHOULD all know, what we want from our mates when it comes to sex. Are you someone who likes to try new things? Sex toys? Public places? Are you more of a person who likes to keep it simple? Same positions? Same place? Ask yourself these questions. Now think about your mate. What type of person is he/she sexually? Are you guys on the same page sexually? Okay, so now that we've thought about that, let me explain what I mean by sexually incompatible. In my mind, sexually incompatibility would be where one partner feels being adventurous in bed is the way to go while the other partner feels keeping it plain and simple is the way. Or maybe one partner is ready to get it on any time day or night 24/7 while the other partner likes it maybe every other week or so. Now, there are in fact ways to work on this issue. You could try sex therapy, slowly introducing sex toys or porn, you could try expressing to your partner your wants and needs, to name a few. Sex, I feel, is a big part of relationships, however, it isn't the only part of relationships nor is it the most important. So, what you'd next need to ask yourself is, do you really want to deal with a partner you are not sexually compatible with? Could you deal with that? I mean, really, do you think the issue could be resolved?