Sunday, October 30, 2011

Church Folk=Hypocrites?

Let me start off by saying that I, myself, am a Christian woman. However, I have come to realize why a lot of people are turned off of church and Christianity in general. It seems as if the people who are supposed to be the most understanding, those who are in the church and are supposed to be living by God's word are sometimes the most judgmental and two-faced. A lot of "Christian" people are real quick to judge when whatever it is that is going on isn't going on with them. It is as if once they get "saved" they forget that they weren't always that way. This is definitely NOT the way it should be. The Bible tells us that God is the ONLY one who can judge us and we have ALL sinned whether it be telling a white lie so as to not hurt some one's feelings or you've murdered someone. No sin is greater than another and for Christian people to treat others as if they are beneath us is a disgrace to God. God asks us to love our neighbors, not tear them down simply because they are where we used to be or because their sins SEEM bigger than our sins. We've all done things that we're not proud of and we're all supposed to be striving to  be better which means we're supposed to strive each day to be more like Christ. Christ was a loving man, so loving that He died for our sins. He who did nothing to others was tormented then crucified. Christians are human just like everyone else which means we've all made mistakes. We need to learn to keep that in mind and realize that we should love the next person as Christ loved us. We could all stand to learn a few new things, we need to read our Bibles more and actually follow through with living out what the word tells us.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

How Long Should You Wait Before Moving On?

Typically men and women have different views on this subject as it sometimes seems men have a shorter recovery span than do women. After a break-up, especially one that resulted after a long-term relationship, women appear slower to move on than men... depending on the type of guys they are anyway. I've seen cases where not even a month later the guy already has another girl on his arm and the ex-girlfriend is outraged thinking he should have at least waited that entire month and I'm sure there are cases where the shoe is on the other foot, although, I myself don't know of any such cases, I'm certain it happens though. So, my question here is this; is there or should there be a certain amount of time waited before moving on to the next romantic encounter? My opinion is yes, especially if it was once again a long term relationship. You need time to heal and don't want to carry extra baggage into another relationship, although I guess that too is debatable depending on whether the next relationship is serious or just a fling to get you over that hump. I'd still suggest giving yourself at least a little time to be alone, at least a month and up to maybe six, before hopping in bed with someone else whether it's serious or not though as feelings can get hurt and mixed emotions may be felt and a whole bunch of confusion can be created from your instantaneous bed hopping. What is your take on this? Is there a certain amount of time you should wait before moving on? If you'd say yes, how long do you think you should wait?

Friday, October 28, 2011

Once A Cheater Always A Cheater?

We all know someone who is a cheater and/or someone who has been cheated on. It's pretty much expected that people will cheat whether male or female, but can a person who has cheated in the past change? And can you ever really trust someone after they've cheated on you? There are plenty of stories of relationships and marriages that have "survived" infidelity and I'm more likely to believe them than not and I'll tell you why. People change for the better each and every day. People have gone from criminals to law enforcement officers AND are staying on the right side of the track. People have gone from drug addicts and dealers to preachers and perfectly clean Christian people of the church so I totally believe that people can change for the better even people who have cheated. I'm not sure exactly how relationships survive infidelity, but obviously it can be done if both parties work hard at the relationship and making progress towards being better people for each other and the kids if they have them. What are your thoughts on this topic? Do you think people who have cheated in the past can change for the better?

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Is It Okay To Be Friends With An Ex?

Now I've written before and said I don't think that going back to an ex is a good idea as you all obviously broke up for a reason. But today, I have a different issue to discuss when it comes to exes, should you continue talking with them/ being friends with them once you've broken up? Okay, so here's my take on this, once you all have broken up, it's, in most cases, in the best interest of both parties involved that you go your separate ways and cut all communication. The reason I'd suggest no communication would be mostly that emotions will be confused. Not only will the emotions of the two parties involved be confused, but if one or both of you decide to move on, I'm pretty sure this will cause confusion with your new partner(s). You must remember that you have history with this person and what does it say about your relationship with them if you're unable to go on with your life without them in it? There are always exceptions to every rule, and maybe being friends with your ex works for you. Maybe you have to remain friends with your ex because you all have kids, whatever the case may be, all I'm saying is that in most cases it is best to leave your ex in the past... What are your thoughts on this?

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I Love Having Sex, But Rather Get Some...

I"m sorry. I tried to publish this post from my phone, and obviously it didn't work so I'm trying again... Okay, so, it's no secret that men are typically huge fans of oral sex, more so than most women even to the point of preferring it to sexual intercourse. So, here are my thoughts on that, now earlier on in creating this blog, I wrote a post and asked if a good bj really did go a long way and after publishing it I did get a lot of people saying to me they believe it does. Now I'm a firm believer in compromising and trying to make things work and I feel as long as your partner isn't asking you to do anything that is detrimental to him, yourself, or anyone else and it's not anything that truly makes you uncomfortable, why not? If your partner is everything you need/want in a partner, if they try to satisfy you in the bedroom, if you really care about that person, I say go for it. Do research on giving good bjs and practice makes perfect. I've read/heard that giving eye contact while going down, paying close attention to the tip of the penis, humming, and learning to use your tongue a bit more can add to the pleasure a man feels during a bj... Guys, you'll have to be more vocal and help the ladies out with this one though as we don't have a penis so we don't know exactly what feels best unless you let us know. So ladies, if you love your man/want to please him, and you know he's craving more oral pleasure, suck it up... Literally. LOL

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Does True Love Even Exist?

With all the divorces and break-ups happening around us, it can be hard to even imagine a "happily ever after", let alone finding a "true love". You hardly see couples getting married and staying together for fifty and/or sixty years, in fact, you hardly see couples getting married now at all. Suddenly people are saying "marriage isn't for everybody" and "I don't want to put myself in that type of situation". But I'm baffled by this and have NO comprehension of when or why this started. Those who follow my blog regularly know that I'm pro marriage and would definitely consider myself a hopeless romantic so I certainly want to believe that true love not only exists, but also that marriages can survive the storm. It's really not so easy to keep that type of attitude considering all the negativity surrounding marriage and love and relationships in general. I mean, have people become so wrapped up in their own lives that they aren't willing to compromise and/or open their hearts up to someone else? Where did this all begin? Will this anti marriage/love movement ever turn around? Should I even believe that true love exists? These are questions I find myself wondering as I take a look around me. I always want to look on the bright side and hope for the best, but considering the increasing divorce rates and the number of break-ups amongst peers, I'm not sure how much longer my positive attitude towards love will last.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Why Are Smart Women Dumb When It Comes To Men?

You see it all the time, a beautiful, sweet, otherwise intelligent woman makes a dumb decision and enters a relationship with a guy EVERYBODY knows she shouldn't be with, except her. The guy she's with has no job, no car, no education, and has no problem letting her take care of him. People around her, friends and family warn her about him and try to get her to see the bigger picture (he's using her and only dragging her down), but she's in denial and thinks she's in love. So then this brings to mind the saying that love is blind and also that you can't help who you love. Now, I can't speak for every woman who works to take care of herself and man, in fact, I can't speak for any of them, what I can say though is that I think there is a deeper issue there. What would make someone want to be with a person who is supposed to love them, yet they watch you work hard to support them each and everyday while they sit back and do nothing? I can get that you never know who you'll fall in love with and that love is the strongest emotion there is, but aren't you supposed to also learn to use your mind along with your heart? What's your take on this? Why are smart women so dumb when it comes to men in your opinion?

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Let The Lord Lead You

God wants us to trust and believe in Him and there's no reason we shouldn't. God is there for us when no one else is. He's a mother to the motherless and a father to the fatherless. All you need to do is have faith in Him and He'll make everything alright. Life is hard alone, God has offered to be our guide if we'll only let Him. You aren't always going to know what path to take or what something's purpose in your life is, but if you'll pray and have faith in God you'll never be lead astray.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

A REAL Man

Okay, I felt compelled to write a post on what a REAL man is and isn't due to the number of drama filled Facebook status updates about what this "stupid hoe" or "dumb trick" is doing or saying. First and foremost, if YOU are the one telling her that he is your man, he really isn't yours to begin with. When a man finds and gets what he really wants in a woman, he will let the world know, he won't leave any doubt in your mind that you are his one and only and he'll never give another girl the impression that you aren't. A REAL man is faithful, you won't have to argue with other girls over who the "real" Mrs. such and such is. A REAL man will treat you like the queen that you are and he'll respect AND your family and whatever it is you feel is important to you. A REAL man will NOT curse you out at the drop of a hat, cheat on you repeatedly and act as if you're in the wrong for being upset, he won't lie to you constantly, he won't get you pregnant, deny the baby, then leave you to take care of it alone, he isn't jobless, homeless, car less, and education deprived and not trying to do anything about it. I said all of that to say this, if you have to put up a Facebook status cursing a different girl out about "your" man each and every day, you need to let that go. And if he can't take care of himself, why would you think he'd be any good for you. A REAL man takes care of himself, and if he isn't already where he wants to be, you can be damn sure he's doing everything in his power to get there.

Friday, October 21, 2011

It's Cheaper To Keep Her

When I heard people use the expression "it's cheaper to keep her" as a young girl, I never understood what it meant. Now that I'm older, I can completely get and understand what they mean. There are situations where the couple has serious doubts about getting married or they haven't really considered what married life will bring, yet they still go through with getting married because they've already sent out the invitations and the venues have been booked. Here's the thing people don't understand though, it costs much less to cancel the things you've put together for the wedding than it does to come up with all the expenses needed in order to get a divorce, especially in this economy. Also when you're married, you're in one household, you can split the costs on things, you can share things which means if you're both working and bringing home nice checks, you'll each have more money to spend on things only you want to do. Now, let me say that I am in NO way suggesting that you stay in a marriage where you are miserable, where there is abuse, cheating, addiction, etc, but what I AM saying is you should SERIOUSLY think about what you're getting yourself into before you get married. Marriage is a VERY serious commitment, one that shouldn't be taken lightly, so please, please be sure it's what you want to do before you do if because marrying the wrong person can be a far worse consequence than not getting married at all.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Are Women Really Obsessed With Nudity?

A little while ago, I read an article that suggested that women were obsessed with being nude as we were the skimpiest outfits out in public and even wear the skimpiest articles of clothing to bed in most cases. Now I can really agree with most of what was said in the article as I can admit I'm guilty of coming home from work or just a long day of running errands and stripping away clothing as soon as I set foot in my bedroom. I don't think that implies I'm obsessed with nudity though. I don't go shopping for the smallest amount of clothing I can find so that I'm covered just enough not to be arrested, but revealing enough that I could be mistaken for a prostitute, but then again that's just me and the article was speaking in regards of women in general. It could be said that women wear revealing clothes so often because they believe it's what men like or they're craving attention, who's to say? In my opinion though, women aren't really obsessed with being in the nude, they just like to be comfortable. Do I agree that women should follow "if you got it, flaunt it"? Not at all, I always think it's good to leave SOMETHING to the imagination, but I hardly think wearing a revealing shirt, skirt, or outfit in general from time to time implies an obsession with nudity. What do you think? Are women obsessed with nudity?

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Should You Stay Because Of The Kids?

I know a lot of people feel that couples should definitely stay together if they have children as a child needs both his/her mother and father. I know that sometimes the couple will endure turmoil and stress just because they want their kids to have two parents in the household. The issue with that though is that it can be just as damaging to have two parents in the household who are always stressed out and unhappy as it is to have only a mom or dad. Kids need to have parents in their lives who are stable and reliable, parents who are able to set good examples for them whether they are in a relationship or not. Children need stability and granted it's harder to maintain that type of environment if the parents are in separate households, if both parents are willing to work together for the good of the children then they'll be able to figure things out and make it work for them. You should never stay where you're abused, put down, and/or used simply because you don't want to tamper with the traditional family structure, it is better for your kids to see you happy and living a full life than to be existing because the life you're living is full of pain.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Don't Air Your Dirty Laundry

Communication is key within any relationship, but that means most of what you say should be kept between you two. Your business should stay your business especially when you all have arguments and definitely when it comes to your sex life. No one wants to be remembered for the mistakes they've made which would be exactly what'd happen if you told friends and family what he/she did to upset you. For whatever reason we're prone to remembering the negative things we're told about someone else's S.O. although we will forgive our own. Ultimately all I'm saying is learn to keep your mouth shut and you'll have a happier mate and relationship.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Should A Guy Ask Her Family's Permission?

A lot of traditions have come and gone, but with the recent buzz about Kim K's marriage and the details about both the wedding and proposal, one question has been asked of followers of the story; should a man ask his girlfriend's family (mainly her dad or mom if dad is not in the picture) for her hand in marriage? Would you want your boyfriend to ask your family? I happen to think that this tradition is a nice one to continue. I think if you're a close knit family and your significant other asks your family for your hand in marriage, that would really bridge the gap. It shows how much he cares and how much respect he has for you and your relationship with your family. His including your family in such an important moment also leads your family to be more open to accepting him into your family's circle. On the flip side, it may be something you want to be between just the two of you. Perhaps you're close with your family, but want your engagement to be something you can share with them at a later date and if you're not that close with your family, this might not be such a good idea. It could also be a very embarrassing or uncomfortable situation if the guy asks for your hand in marriage and is told no... Hopefully that wouldn't be the case though, but what do you think? Should he ask or should this tradition be dropped?

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Abuse Is Never Okay

It surprised me a lot to read an article some time ago that stated that domestic violence was highest amongst Black couples mostly because I always hear us, meaning Black women, saying things like "Oh, he wouldn't do that to a Black woman" or "They know better than to hit a Black woman". I was brought up around people who believed, or at least pretended to believe, that domestic violence was pretty much non existent in the Black community, but movies like What's Love Got To Do With It suggest otherwise. So, today I not only want to acknowledge that abuse does in fact happen in the Black community, I'd like to take a few moments to share my thoughts on it. Now, I know that all couples argue, no two people are going to agree 24/7, 365 days a year, but to get to the point where it gets physical??? No, that's definitely not the way it's supposed to go. Love does NOT hurt,someone who loves you would NOT bust your lip or black your eye. Abuse could also be verbal or emotional and neither of those is okay either. You should never be with someone who makes you feel happy more often than not. Having part of a man isn't better than having no man at all, especially if the man you have is hurting you... If you're in an abusive relationship and need help getting out, PLEASE contact someone you can trust or even call an abuse hot line just please get help. And let me say one more time to each and everyone of you reading this post ABUSE IS NEVER OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Faking "It"; Foul Or Play?

I'm not sure that we're all guilty of it, but I do know a few people who have admitted to faking "the big O" for fear of hurting their partners feelings, to "just get it over with", because they can't seem to achieve a real one, etc. Is faking an orgasm really a bad thing though? Does it mean the person who fakes it can't be trusted? I mean, I guess you could say if you'd lie about that you'd lie about something else... I don't know if I'd go so far as to say that, but anything is possible. Here's the thing though, if you're pretending to have an orgasm to please your partner or because you're unable to achieve a real one, you're only hurting yourself. I mean, don't you deserve to enjoy yourself, too? And like I always say, communication is key. If your partner thinks you're having an orgasm whenever you have sex, they don't know that anything is wrong which means that you're left unsatisfied and probably frustrated. I know that if you can't achieve an orgasm, it may make you feel embarrassed or less than a man/woman, but if you trust your partner enough to be that vulnerable with them, I mean, being naked in front of another person is like the most vulnerable position you can be in, you should definitely be able to talk to them about what's going on with you. And if you're not having orgasms because he/she just isn't doing it for you, express that to him/her. Sex should be pleasurable for both parties involved and if you don't get to experience the climax... Yeah, that's not cool. LOL

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Threesomes; Should You Try Them?

Threesomes including two women and one man seem to be among the highest rated fantasies for men and even some women. Although, I know that some fantasize about it being a two men and one woman or it may be three people of the same sex, whatever floats your boat... It seems that more and more people are admitting to trying it as I guess it could be viewed as a happy medium between being completely monogous and cheating. But there are of course, pros and cons to having a threesome as with anything that you do. It may be fun and exciting and give you the thrill and variety that you're looking for, but it may also open the door for insecurities to creep in, the urge to continue having sex with other people, and STD's if you aren't careful. Now, I'm all for being open in the bedroom and trying new things, but threesomes, to me, are on a much different level. I mean, you're bringing another person into your bedroom with you, you definitely need to think about all aspects, good and bad, that could come from this type of agreement. If you think you can do it and have fun and things still be good with you and your significant other then by all means go for it. But if you know that you already have some insecurities about yourself and are doubting your relationship, PLEASE PLEASE don't do it. In a nutshell, what I'm saying is, a threesome can be fun and bring some excitement to your love life, spice it up a bit, but it can also put a strain on the relationship if things don't go as planned. Think long and hard before deciding whether or not to bring another person into your bedroom.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Is The Other Woman Really To Blame?

She's called a slut, a whore, a homewreaker, and I'm sure much worse, while all the man who cheats is called a cheater or dog. What's the difference? The other woman is continuously hated and ridiculed by not only the wife or girlfriend, but in lots of cases those on the outside looking in. But I want to know why we as women seem to have been conditioned to automatically hate the other woman although she obviously isn't the one who made the commitment. So why isn't the man the one who's hated and ridiculed? Who the hell "boys will be boys" would be a good way to defend men's bad behavior anyway? Now, I know that in some cases the other woman knew the guy was involved with someone else before sleeping with him, but in most cases she's in the dark just like the wife or girlfriend. So, what's your take on this? Should the other woman be blamed? Have we become so wrapped up in the "boys will be boys" craze that we just excuse the men who cheat?

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Why Are There So Few Men In Church?

This has been a topic of discussion for years, where are all the men in church??? The single women are told to go to church to find a good man, but when they get there, there aren't many men to be found. I've even heard a pastor touch on this in one of his sermons. Women definitely are more in attendance at church, but my question is why? Is there something about church that really just turns men off? Are women just more religious based? Now, let me go back and say that I'm not saying there aren't any men in church at all, because there definitely are, but there's a noticeable difference in the number of men and the number of women in the church. I mean, when did this start anyway? All I know is, there should definitely be more men in church, women need you to learn how to become better leaders so that you can be better heads of the household. Let me also say that I'm not suggesting that because you go to church that automatically means you're a "good" Christian and because you don't go to church that you aren't, but I am saying you should attend church so that you are more likely to be exposed to people who can give you the spiritual guidance you need to live a more pleasing life in the eyes of the Lord.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Heart Over Matter?

You always hear people say you should listen to or follow your heart. You always hear that you can't choose who you love, the heart wants what the heart wants. But on the flip side, you hear people say that have to be more rational because their hearts have lead them down the wrong path. Can you ever really just listen to your heart though? I mean, is it really possible to just meet someone, fall for them, and then just let go and let whatever happens happen? I'm not sure there's a real answer to that question, guess it depends on what your definition of following your heart is. For people who wear their hearts on their sleeves, I know this is especially hard because they're usually more easily hurt. And I know these are the people who often times  they become more apprehensive when it comes to dating. They might know in their heart that they really like someone, but their mind will tell them to hold back because that person might turn out to be just like all the others who hurt them in the past. But, maybe we should all learn to start from scratch. Learn to really learn to let our hearts lead us. You only have one life to live and you should definitely live it to the fullest. Life is all about taking chances and love is the greatest gift life has to offer, so the next time you meet someone you truly feel a connection with, go for it, put your heart over the matter. It's always easier said than done, this I surely know, as I said I've been hurt in the past, too, but isn't it worth a try?

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Don't Miss The Water Till The Well Runs Dry

It's funny how someone who's seemingly uninterested in suddenly becomes interested in you once you've found someone else. Or how someone who never appreciated you when they had you, but they swear they can't live without you once you've decided to leave. All I'm saying is, if you've got something good, hold on to it. Always let your significant other know how much you love and appreciate them. Make sure you do right by them because you never know how long they'll be by your side. Appreciate what you have or someone else will. It's like the blues song says "when you say scat cat, another man says here kitty kitty."

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Does Money Equal Attractive?

Now, you'd think that you're either attractive or not, but according to some studies I've recently come across, that's certainly not the case. In fact, one study showed that people perceived themselves to be more attractive or sexy when they had more money while another showed women rated men as more attractive after finding out they were well off although they'd previously rated them unattractive. Some would argue this is the case with those who competed for the love of rapper Flava Flav on his VH1 reality show Flavor of Love considering he's often times rated as um... Less than attractive. So my question is this, do you think those studies are accurate? Does money really make people more attractive?

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Women Are Cougars, What Are Men?

I'm sure during recent years we've all become familiar with the term used to describe women who date younger men, cougar. I'malso sure we've all become familiar with a few examples, too, there's Demi Moore, Madonna, and Mariah Carey to name a few. It seems that ppl moreso look down upon women who date younger men while once again men are praised for doing the same thing. I'm not really understanding why though. Why is ok for men, but not for women? So my question is what do you call men who date younger women? Is there even a word to describe a man who dates younger women like there is for women who date younger men?

Monday, October 3, 2011

Find The Perfect Balance

They say opposites attract, but they also say if you're not from similar backgrounds chances of a long, healthy relationship certainly dwindle. They say you need someone who is more like you, but if they're too much like you, you guys will most likely hate each other. I'd say you have to find that perfect balance, you want someone who is like you, but also different. You want someone who compliments you, someone who possesses positive qualities that  you don't possess. And like I said before, in order to find this person, you may have to think outside the box. Don't keep your checklist for a mate glued to your hand, know what qualities are important and which ones aren't. Don't be so quick to judge a book by it's cover. I said all this to say, love comes in all shapes and sizes, you never know what type of package your love will be wrapped in. You just have to be open to taking a look inside any box you feel could quite possibly be filled with something special. You don't need someone too different from you nor do you need someone who is too similar to you. You need that perfect balance of both someone similar yet different. Find that balance and you'll find just what you need.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

God Made Me

OK, so this topic came up when I heard a lady make a comment about the outfits gospel singers Mary Mary were wearing on a show that had come on BET. Now, while I agree that you should not "let it all hang out" when praising God, going to church, doing a praise dance, etc, I do also feel that you shouldn't have to dress like a nun in order to please people. Tina and Erica have curves, this is true, BUT God gave them those curves and in my opinion they dress them nicely. I haven't seen them dressed too provocatively nor do I think they're over sexed. I even heard on some show that Pop singer Jessica Simpson was turned away from singing gospel because people felt her large breasts made her too sexy to be a Christian artist. Here's my take on this, God made us all. It isn't our fault the way God made each and every one of us and we should not have to apologize for the way He made us look. I say as long as you're not wearing skin tight clothes or showing all your "goodies", you're good. There is a way to be sexy yet classy. And once again, I don't think you have to dress like a nun simply because you're a Christian. Christians can be sexy, too, you just have to do it tastefully.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Please Don't Give Up

First and foremost, let me thank everyone who love and support me in all that I do. You don't have any idea how much that means to me. I just wanted to take the time out to get a couple things off my chest and maybe even encourage someone else along the way. This week has been a really tough week for me, I'm just not sure how things are going to work out for me. People I thought were on my side left me high and dry, had a family emergency this week, a lot of things were out of whack this week and I was on the verge of giving up. I wanted to give up on my dreams, accomplishing what I want to accomplish, so called friends, etc. You know what though, that's not who I am and I know that's definitely not who God wants me to be. I realize that times are going to get hard and things are not always going to go the way we planned for them to go, but nevertheless, we must keep going. Anything worth having is worth fighting for and I want to fight for my dreams. I want to be successful at what I feel I was put here to do and I'm going to do everything I can to make it happen. So, I just wanted to say to anyone out there feeling like I was a few days ago, don't give up. Don't let your hard times make you give in. Pursue your dreams and believe that God will help you achieve them. You may not be where you want to be right now, but trust and believe that one day you will be.