Why Is Teen Pregnancy Less Taboo Today?

It seems to me that girls are not ashamed of being pregnant in high school anymore, in fact, a lot of them seem proud of it. They're smiling and laughing while talking about when their baby is due and what they're going to name him/her. They're posting pictures of their pregnant bellies on Facebook and other social networking sites. Some of them are actually TRYING to get pregnant! I don't understand this trend. I mean, it is as if they just WANT to make life harder for themselves. As if no one has sat them down and talked to them about how hard raising a child is or as if they haven't seen examples for themselves although most of them have. We should be keeping our kids in extra curricular activities, talking to them about sex, and STD/Pregnancy prevention. Abstinence only sex education is definitely not the way, obviously girls are thinking that pregnancy is something glamorous and fun ( which some blame on the MTV reality series Teen Mom) so they want to get pregnant, too. Now, I'm not saying that sometimes these things don't just happen. Not every girl who gets pregnant as a teen planned or wished for it to happen, BUT a lot of them did. And a lot of times the reason is they just want someone to love them, it is hard to envision how incredibly difficult it is to raise a child. What is even more sad though is that a lot of parents think it's okay that their child is a teen parent, it actually seems to be something that is expected of teens these days. So my question is why? Why is it that teen pregnancy is less taboo today? Why have we come to expect this of our teens?

Relationships Are Built On Trust

It is understandable that you could be jealous of your partner spending time with an attractive person of the opposite sex or that they are still friends with an ex or even that they receive tons of attention from people of the opposite sex whenever they go out somewhere. However, when it gets to the point that the jealousy you feel consumes your thoughts, leads you to accuse your partner of cheating without sufficient reason, or has you snapping at them at the drop of a hat because you feel they looked at someone too long or said a bit too much to a certain person, it's time to re-evaluate your relationship. If your behavior gets even remotely close to these scenarios, it's obvious that you don't trust your mate and may even be insecure within yourself. And if you find yourself on the receiving end of these scenarios, and you know you have done nothing to deserve such treatment, you should re-evaluate your relationship, too. Relationships are built on trust and as long as you don't give your partner reason to suspect you of any wrong doing, you shouldn't be subjected to this type of behavior. You shouldn't have to explain yourself every time a person other than your partner says hey to you. There shouldn't be an issue if someone gives you a compliment. All I'm really trying to say is if you don't have trust, you don't have anything. You don't want to spend your whole relationship explaining yourself to your partner or making sure they know your every move just so they know you aren't cheating.

Are Women Too Materialistic?

I always hear men talk about how much money they spend on women, how women want them to buy this and that and get upset if they can't buy it for them. I also often times hear men talk about how women don't want them if they're not driving the nicest car, wearing the nicest clothes, and rocking the nicest pair of shoes. Now, I admit that I love to have the finer things in life, if , that is, I'm able to afford it at the time I desire to have it. I don't expect my man to be rich and drive fancy cars and all of that jazz though because I realize that isn't what's important. What's important is that he treats me like the princess I am, that he is a hard working man with integrity, and we love and care for one another. And ladies, please let me say this, if you have a man who makes sure you have everything you NEED but he's not able to afford everything you WANT, count your blessings because it's not easy to find a man who will do what he can to provide for you. Let me also go back and say that you should be working as well ladies to help bring some income in so that if he does "put a ring on it", his income won't be the only income you're relying on and that way if there is something that you want and he can't afford, you can get it for yourself. I also know that not all women aren't unappreciative of a man who provides their needs, who works with them and treats them right. In a nutshell, what I'm trying to say is material things aren't half as important as love, respect, and true happiness. What do you think? Are women too materialistic?

Think Outside The Box

Everybody has an idea of what they want "the one" to be like. You know how you want him/her to look, how you want them to act, what type of background you want them to have, etc. Everybody has a certain type of person they feel they fit best with, however, it never hurts to step outside of those boundaries and try dating someone you don't exactly feel is your type. It's like my pastor said in church last Sunday "Some of y'all women won't accept Denzel Williams because you're too busy waiting on Denzel Washington when Denzel Williams is really the one God sent for you." In other words, sometimes we get way too caught up on what WE think our mate should be like instead of praying for God to open our hearts and minds to be able to accept whoever it is that He has made just for us. Now, I'm not saying that God will make you be with someone who isn't attractive or someone who has no education whatsoever or anything like that, but I am saying He may send you someone you'd never expect to be "the one". Maybe he/she doesn't look exactly the way you pictured he/she would, but he/she's attractive. Or maybe he/she didn't get a four year college degree, but they have a good job and make a nice amount of money. All I'm saying is don't create such a long list of must have qualities for your mate that you can't look up from it long enough to see the blessing that God has sent to you in disguise. And let me also say that any person God has sent to you will treat you better than you could ever imagine because they are God sent. They will embody all the important qualities you desire although they may come in a different package than you expected. Realize which qualities are important and which ones aren't and think outside the box sometimes.

Bless Those Who Curse You

We've all heard the sayings "kill them with kindness", "turn the other cheek," and "treat people how you want to be treated," at least once in our lives and as Christians, we're expected to take heed to them. Christ loved everyone no matter what they said about him, how they treated him, or what they thought about him. Christians are supposed to strive to be more like Christ each and every day of their lives, yet I believe this is something many of us have yet to master. It's hard to love or be nice to someone who has done you wrong. When someone has said horrible things about you or has done horrible things to you, it's extremely difficult to overlook that, forgive them, and continue being nice to them and showering them with love. Now, we all know that the Bible instructs us to turn these types of situations over to God and let Him handle it, in fact, it says "do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:21). I said all this to say that I have yet to meet a person who has mastered this, however, that doesn't give us the right to stop trying. Becoming more like Christ is a lifelong journey and we should continue to pray and strive to learn how to turn the other cheek.

Is Bad Sex Cause For A Break-Up?

Sex is plays a big part in pretty much everybody's relationship, whether they've decided to abstain until they're married or they decide they can have sex whenever they feel, sex is usually a topic of discussion in relationships. Here's my question though, is sex such a huge part of a relationship that you'd end one if your significant other just couldn't cut it in bed? Is it so important that if you had sex with someone before making it official and you didn't enjoy it, they'd never become your guy/girl? If you really care about someone shouldn't you be willing to work hard to make it work even if that means showing them how to please you in bed? I personally think that if the person has everything you want and need outside of the bedroom, you should be willing to at least try to make things better sexually. Who knows? It might bring you guys closer together. And as far as how to bring it up without hurting the person's feelings, just be honest, make sure you approach the issue lightly and choose your words carefully. But then again, it's kind of hard to say if you've never been in that particular situation... Have you ever been in that type of situation? Do you think bad sex is cause for a break-up? Should you try to make things better sexually if they're great in every other category?

Is "The Talk" Necessary?

Everything starts out great! You're spending pretty much every leisure moment you have together, the chemistry is wonderful, you can't get enough of each other. Then thoughts begin to enter your mind. Where is this going? Does he/she want a relationship? Are we already in a relationship? Should you ask him/her what their feelings are? Is it too soon to start asking where this is going? And so on and so forth. I know every has been in this type of situation before and it can be very frustrating to say the least. You really like him/her, but don't want to scare them away, you don't want to ruin what you have. You know they've got to like you, hence their spending so much time with you, you're just not sure how much they like you or what their exact plans for the two of you are. So... Here's what I'd have to say about that, you don't want to start bringing up being in a relationship with a person on the first date, but you do want to make your intentions known from the door. Don't be overly aggressive with it, just make it clear what you want AND STICK TO THAT! If you want a relationship and that's truly what your heart desires, don't settle for being some one's "friend with benefits" and if you know all you want is a "friend with benefits" don't play with any one's emotions and imply that you want something more. All I'm trying to say is be upfront with what you want, if you make your intentions known in the beginning and require that the person you're interested in does the same than it's less likely that you'll end up confused, although sometimes your thoughts and feelings change, but you get my drift.

But You Say He's Just A Friend

Can men and women really be "just friends", no strings attached, strictly platonic acquaintances? This is an issue within quite a few relationships as either the lady is jealous or uncomfortable with her man having female friends or the other way around. Now, I can't speak for everybody, I only know about me and my situation and within my situation, I do have friends who happen to be male and I have absolutely no romantic interest them. However, I've been told that the only reason those guys are only my friends is because I won't allow them to be anything else. I'm not really sure how true this is since they've never made a move on me, we've never taken it to that level. The belief is though, that if men and women try to be friends only someone will begin to like the other person as more than a friend and this will potentially cause issues within the friendship. I don't think that all men have an ulterior motive nor do I believe that if a girl wants to be friends with a guy who has a girlfriend or wife she's a home wrecker. I do believe though that if you're committed to someone and you introduce them to friends of the same sex that you should introduce them to friends of the opposite sex, not doing so could most definitely put doubt in your partner's mind. If this person of the opposite sex is really nothing more than a friend then there should be absolutely no reason not to bring them around your significant other, if you believe your partner to be overly jealous and that they'd be disapproving of your friendship because of lack of trust, you don't need that in your life. Relationships are built on trust and if you bring your friend around your significant other and set boundaries for what's appropriate and what's not appropriate there shouldn't be an issue. What do you think though? Can men and women really be "just friends"?

Are More Attractive Women Less Exciting In Bed?

So... This question came to mind as I thought about how many times I have heard guys say that when a girl looks good, she pretty much sucks in bed. She's reluctant to try new things, doesn't want to sweat too much, if she even wants to have sex at all. It  also been said that girls who look good feel they don't have to do as much to please and/or keep a man because their good looks make them assets to their mates. They said girls who aren't as attractive are better in bed because they feel lucky that a guy has even approached them so they do pretty much any and everything to make sure the guy keeps them around and continues coming back for more. Now, I'm not a guy and I've never been with a girl so I'm not too sure if this really is the case, but I will say I happen to thing I'm a nice looking young lady and I'd also say I'm pretty open to trying new things in the bedroom, I've never gotten any complaints... However, I can see where this could actually be true considering it's often said attractive women don't have to work hard for anything and a lot of time girls who don't get as much attention are starved for it and therefore do more to keep it. I don't know that I'll ever know the answer to this question and in fact, even if this is the case in most situations, there are exceptions to every rule. What do you think? Are attractive women less exciting than unattractive women in bed?

Just Be You

It is said that a lot of times people will pretend to be a certain way when they first begin dating someone then completely change or the real them comes out to play after they have been dating that person for a while. Now, I can understand being nervous in the beginning and I know it is definitely tempting to try to change who you are so that someone will like you or to try to hide your flaws to make yourself more appealing. Here's the thing though, if you're not being true to who you are, you're not being fair to the other person OR to yourself. We all have flaws, we all desire to share our lives with someone special, but if the person you meet thinks you're someone you're not, essentially what you're doing is wasting both your time. You need someone who will love you for you, flaws and all and the person you're dating deserves the same. I'm definitely not suggesting that you "lay it all on the table" on the first date and tell them your whole life story, but you should certainly tell them the important things, things that may alter their decision to date them. Wouldn't you want to know if he/she was really 10 years older than they appear? Or that they really have 5 kids instead of the 2 that live with them? Or how about when they told you they were in school that they really meant they've been in school for 10 years, undergrad, and still haven't completed one degree because they keep changing their major? All I'm saying is, let people make an informed decision and if after you are up front and honest with them they choose to leave, let them. There is someone for everyone and you should settle for nothing. You want someone with your best interest at heart, someone who loves the real you.

"Ole School" Ways=Better Relationships Today?

Alright, so, it's 2011 and a lot of the customs and practices of what was called "courting" (which we now call dating) have changed and there are people ( a lot of them from the "ole school") who believe if we would go back to doing things the way they used to be done. They feel relationships would last longer, more people would get married, and we'd be happier in general if those old customs and practices were put back into motion. Back in the day, according to some, when you were "courting" a girl it meant that you had intentions of marrying her and you had to work hard to make her your girl. You had to meet her family and get they're approval, you had to really show that you were worth her time before you could get by her side. Girls rarely approached guys and learned from their mother, aunts, older cousins or siblings, and grandmother how to cook and take care of house and home. The family was played a big part in who you selected as a partner especially considering a man would go to a girl's father to ask for his blessing in marrying his daughter before he'd even "pop the question".  Nowadays, that just very rarely happens. Families aren't as big a part in selecting mates (some would say that's for the better), and according to some, guys no longer have to work hard to get a girl because women today are way too loose and practically throw themselves at men. Now, I'd have to say that if you have a family that loves and cares for you then they'd most likely be good judges of character and you could greatly benefit from accepting their insight on a potential mate, in most cases, if a parent doesn't like a person you're dating, there's reason to take heed to that. I'm not saying that a parents are right in every single case where they disapprove of a potential or current mate, but parents seem to have a sixth sense about these things so you should definitely listen and pay close attention. What do you think? Do you think if we implemented more of the "ole school" way of dating into today's relationships we'd have better luck with love?

Speak It Into Existence

You know, I have days where I just want to give up and say forget it. It gets hard to continue pursuing my dreams and keep a positive attitude especially when it feels as if my dreams will never come to pass. Some days I wonder why I even try. Then I stop and think. God never would have brought me this far if He was just going to leave me hanging. God put dreams of success in my heart for a reason. He has ever intention of helping me to see them come true and He has every intention of helping you to see yours come true. You have to know He's there and that He cares, speak it into existence that you will make it in whatever field you're trying to go into. Speak it into existence that you're going to be successful, that you will make it and believe that it will come to pass. It may not happen as fast as you want it to, it may not happen the way you expect it to, but if you have faith and believe, your dreams will come true. I'm encouraging you to have faith and speak it into existence. Don't give up on your dreams even when times get hard and you just feel like it's never going to happen for you. God can and He will see you through, so take a break or vacation, cry, meditate, pray, whatever you need to do to renew your strength, but never give up.

Is Sex Too Overrated?

Wherever you turn there are naked bodies. They're on ads, shows, movies, etc. And if you've ever watched a pornographic movie you know that sex is portrayed as uber exciting and pleasurable yet it's anything but in a lot of cases. In fact, I've met some women who are so dissatisfied with sex that they wonder why they should have sex at all. Now, I know there are some men and maybe even women out there saying those women just haven't had any of that "good good" and thus don't desire sex, but really think about it, is sex really as mindblowing and incredible as the media would lead us to believe? What are your thoughts?

I Want To Hear From You!

First and foremore, I want to thank everyone who supports me and follows the blog. You really don't know how much I appreciate you and the support you give me. Now, I am once again opening up the door for your questions, comments, etc. Let me hear from you. I want to know what you think of the blog, tell me about any topics you feel stand out, give me your topic ideas, ask me whatever questions you'd like me to answer for you... Just let me hear from you. I look forward to your questions and comments.

"Sexting": Do You Think It's Okay?

"Sexting" is the term created to describe sending someone erotic text messages, often including nude or partially nude photos. A lot of people do it and in a lot of cases they end up regretting it when the intended party forwards it to friends or in more outrageous cases, they somehow end up going public. Sometimes people break up and because they are upset with their ex, they set out to embarrass or hurt them by making intimate images of them public. Now, I also think that "sexting" is a good way to keep things alive within a long term relationship especially if you all have to be a part for a while or even if you just want to be spontaneous to spice things up, I'd just say tread lightly in doing this. You never know how things will turn out and technology is most definitely a blessing and a curse. It has made it much easier to communicate and keep up with people, but it has also caused people a lot of pain a strife. I'm not saying you should never send a naughty text or pic to your significant other nor am I saying that every person who receives those types of messages show friends or tries to make them public. What I am saying though, is that you should think long and hard before sending out those types of messages because you just never know whether or not that could come back to hunt you or whether or not someone will use them against you. Do think it's ever okay to send "sexts"? Have you ever shown "sexts" that you've gotten to your friends?

Player vs Slut

This issue often causes a heated discussion or argument and I don't know if the debate will ever end. Why is it that if a man sleeps with multiple partners is considered a player while women who sleep with multiple partners is considered a slut? Aren't both people doing the same "disgusting" things? It makes no sense that men are praised for being promiscuous while women are condemned. What makes her wrong for having sex with multiple partners? What makes it okay for him to have sex with as many girls as he wants? I just feel that no matter the gender of the person, you don't know their story so who are you to judge? We only have one life to live, we should be free to live it the way that we want to live it. Now, I do believe that sex is a wonderful thing when done the right way and the right way to me is when it's done by two people who truly love and care about each other. However, that's my opinion, and like I always say, to each his own. If you decide to be with multiple partners though, please make sure you PRACTICE SAFE SEX AND WRAP IT UP! What are your thoughts? Do you think this will ever change?

Do Women Know Really What They Want?

It's an age old question; do women really even know what they want? We all say we want a "good man". We all have, in most cases, an extensive list of qualities we want in a man. We dream of him often, we hope each good looking guy we meet will be him. Then it happens, we meet a guy who is extremely good looking, he's intelligent and sweet, we're instantly infactuated with him, although we can feel something isn't quite right about him. Maybe he's a smooth talker, the player type, a bit on the thuggish side, you know, just the kind of guy Mama warned us about. So, why do we stay? In some cases, we hope we're wrong or that we can change him. In some cases, we're so tired of waiting for Mr Right that we graciously settle for Mr. Right Now.  And in some cases, we think having some man is better than having no man at all. The truth is, most of us are certain of what we want. We want our Prince Charming, nice house and car, and beautiful kids, but because of our insecurities, bacause of the stigma of becoming an "old maid", or because we hate feeling like we don't know how to keep a man, we settle. And because we give in to our insecurities and settle for less, when a better man comes along, we're not sure we deserve him. Yes, we're beautiful, intelligent, sweet, kind, etc, yet we often times don't know our worth. So, do women really know what they want? Absolutely, we're just not always willing to wait long enough to get it and further more, not sure we're worthy enough to have it.

"Rules To Love By"

You've heard them all before, "rules to love by", so, I've compiled a list of  some of my favorites... and added a few of my own comments/thoughts.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.- Yeah, well, ever heard of out of sight, out of mind? I definitely feel that time apart gives you time to miss someone and appreciate the time that you do have with them. So absence certainly will make the heart grow fonder, IF that absence is short lived otherwise you'll most likely be forgotten.

Having a piece of man is better than having no man at all.- Now, from reading other posts by me, I'm sure you know how I feel about this one. Why settle for less than what you deserve? If he can't give you ALL of him then you don't need him.

It's cheaper to keep her.- Now, for this one, I think it depends on what the cost is. If what you're thinking of is strictly monetary value, then sure, it may truly be cheaper to keep her. But how much is your mental, physical, and emotional health worth to you? Because if she's definitely not what you need, your health will take the hit for you keeping her around.

If you can't love the one you want, love the one you're with.- Ok, I'd have to again say no. I must reinerate my previous point here, you deserve better than a Mr or Mrs Right Now, keep it moving.

I can do bad all by myself.- You most certainly can. You don't need someone who worsens your situation, you need someone who will make it better. Love isn't drama each and every day of the week.

If you can think of any more "rules to love by" and have comments on them, please post below. Let me hear from you.

Forgive For You

Forgiveness is one of the hardest concepts to grasp, especially when you have to forgive someone you truly cared about, someone you though truly cared about you. But the Bible reminds us that although we've all made mistakes, sinned against God, He forgives us and in turn we should forgive others.  Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31-32) This isn't to say that you should continue to be in a relationship or friendship with someone who is constantly doing wrong by you. What I am saying is just because someone has done wrong of you before doesn't mean they aren't capable of turning things around and doing right. Now, if, however, you've given them chance after chance after chance and all they do is the same, wrong thing, you have to forgive them, pray for God to help them along the way and move on. And you have to do this for you. Harboring anger or hatred towards someone does nothing but eat away at you and keep you from inheriting the kingdom of God. Ask God for the strength to forgive him or her for hurting you. You can not move forward in your relationship or friendship until you forgive. You can't truly be happy until you let go of that hurt and anger. And for those who have been hurt by family, know that they are people, too. Just because they are family doesn't mean they are subhuman, they fall short, too. Keep in mind that we ALL fall short sometimes. And also remember that nothing happens over night, you have to strive each and every day to be more like Christ, this is a lifelong journey... Pray and be blessed.

"Hubby Material"

Yesterday while on Twitter, I noticed that one of the TT's was "wifey material" and it made me think about something. It is crazy that women are expected to act a certain way, but men are free to do whatever, or at least that's the way it seems. Why is it that you, meaning most men, feel you are free to act as irrationally as you want until you find what you'd consider wifey material, but you don't consider trying to become hubby material? Why does the girl you're looking for have to behave in a manner that would increase her chances of becoming your wife if you won't behave in a manner that would make you more "husbandlike"? Here's what I'm getting at, men you should give off what you want to attract and ladies, we should expect more from our men. A man who parties all the time, has a different girl every day of the week, gets falling down drunk all weekend every weekend is NOT husband material. A man who is disrespectful to you, or any woman for that matter, doesn't want to do anything with his life, has absolutely no plans or aspirations is NOT husband material. Now, I realize that it is definitely hard to find a good man so it can be VERY tempting to settle for the first man who shows you the attention you've been missing these past few weeks, months, or even years, HOWEVER, I must remind you that having a piece of a man is certainly NOT better than not having one at all. When he gets done showing you what a manipulative womanizer, lazy moocher, or disrespectful jerk he is, you'll realize just how bad you really could've been all by yourself. A man who isn't really what you need is more detrimental to you than all of the lonely nights you'll have before finding someone who truly is "hubby material". So, I ask you, ladies, what makes a man "hubby material" to you? Do you think you've ever met a man who is or could potentially be "hubby material"?

Know How Blessed You Are

There are a lot of single people around here. The dating pool is definitely shallow. Finding someone who loves you for who you are or better yet, even finding someone decent to date is like harder than "finding a needle in a haystack". So if you're dating, engaged to, married to someone who loves and appreciates you just for being you then consder yourself tremendously blessed. I know that no person or relationship is perfect, but if you've found the perfect person for you and have a relationship where good times outweigh bad times, hold on to him or her because that is definitely not easy to come by these days. Make sure you let that special person know each and every day how much you love and appreciate them with not only words, but actions. Remember actions speak louder than words and we all want to feel valued and loved. So to all the happy couples out there know that you're blessed and to all my singles out there always have faith and believe that your day will come.

Real Or Fake; Does It Really Matter?

I love my new Hot 977 family because they always keep it real. For instance, while there last night doing my weekly show, a topic came up that  really piqued my curiousity. On one hand, we had those in favor of girls who are more on the natural side meaning no weave, booty pads, padded bras, etc on the other had we had those more in favor of doing whatever it is you do tastefully. So, this post is more for the guys, I'd like to hear from you. Does it really matter if the girl is naturally "thick" or wears booty pads to enhance her posterior assets? Are you turned off by girls who wear wigs and weaves to give themselves more length and fullness? Do you reject girls who wear padded bras? I want you to let me know. I'm really curious. Please leave comments for me and give me some insight on this issue.

Are We Too Selfish For Relationships?

I always hear people talking about what they want in a girl or guy, how they want them to look, what they want them to be like, etc, but you rarely hear people talk about what they want to be like for their partner. People are so quick to ask what you can do for them rather than what they can do for someone else. People are always like what about me? What do YOU have to offer ME? Have you ever asked yourself what you're doing so that you can attract what it is that you want? And I'm not just talking finances or education. Although you can't be lazy, sitting at home on the couch doing nothing and expecting to get someone who works hard each and every day to make money to support themselves. Or act immature all the time and hanging with immature people while expecting to meet someone who is mature and ready to be serious. But back to what I was saying. What about the person you are physically? If you want someone who's physically fit, wouldn't you also want to be physically fit? What you give off is what you'll attract. Not many people who are in great shape physically want to date a person who isn't. If you want someone who is good at keeping a house in order, shouldn't you at least learn to pick up after yourself first? Nobody wants to be someone else's maid or butler. All I'm saying is we should all think a bit more into what WE can bring to the table to sweeten the deal for our partners or future partners. Nobody owes us anything. We shouldn't be so worried about what he/she brings to the table if we really have nothing to offer them in return. Be real with yourself and ask what it is that you have to offer someone else. What are your thoughts on this? Let me hear from you, please leave comments.

Why Date A Man Who Won't Take Care Of His Kids?

Absentee fathers are definitely a problem in this community so ladies, if you have a child by a man who takes care of his kids, you should definitely consider yourself lucky. There are plenty of single mothers around here that will attest to that. It's hard raising a child on your own and it's even more sad to think about the fact that it's a common occurrence. Here is my question though, if you know a man has a child or children and refuses to help take care of them, why would you even CONSIDER dating him? What kind of person would knowingly create then neglect an innocent child or children? I mean, what does that say about the kind of man he is? What does that say about you for supporting him in his decision to neglect his kids? Now, let me make it clear that I do know situations where fathers actually WANT to be there for their kids, but because they don't want a relationship with the mothers or have already moved on and have new ladies in their lives, the mothers won't allow them to be in the kids' lives and in those cases, shame on the moms. Realize what you're doing to these kids by denying them the right to have fathers in their lives.We've got to do better. Ladies, think about this, if he doesn't take care of his kids with her chances are he won't take care of the kids he has with you. And why would you even want that kind of guy in your life? He's not a real man if he's not willing to take care of his responsibilities. Don't be an enabler.

Flirting: How Far Is Too Far?

Flirting. It typically isn't a topic that's discussed before getting in a committed relationship although it should be. Everyone's idea of what is appropriate and inappropriate is different. In some cases, it is vastly different and because people don't talk about it, they assume that what they think is okay is what their partner thinks it okay. This is why I'm always saying communication is key. One partner may think it's okay to sent flirty texts to someone other than their significant other as long as they don't send sexy pictures while the other partner disagrees. Or one partner may think touching someone's thighs or brushing up against them in "intimate" areas is fine as long as they don't have sex while again the other partner disagrees. One partner might even think it's okay to "bump and grind" with a stranger in a club as long as that's as far as it goes while yes, the other partner disagrees. What is considered flirting and what's considered cheating or borderline cheating? Do you think flirting is ever appropriate when you're in a relationship? This is something that should definitely be talked about before making a commitment to someone, you should always make sure the boundaries are clearly defined. You can't expect someone to know what you think is appropriate or inappropriate if you don't communicate your feelings to them. Flirting can cause a lot of unnecessary drama if not approached in the right way, that is why I can't say enough that communication is key.

Encourage Yourself

Sometimes it's hard to stay encouraged that the things you want to happen in life will happen. Sometimes people say so many hateful things to you just because you're trying to do something good for yourself and they can't stand to see you succeed. It doesn't matter if your something good is going to school,  saving up to buy a new car, applying for a better job, getting married to the one you love, or moving into a nicer neighborhood. Some people will try to tear you down no matter what. The funny thing is you don't have to do anything negative to them in order for them to want to hurt you. In fact, the person or people trying to tear you down might not even be people you know. Yet in other, more hurtful cases, they are people you love and trusted like so called friends and/or family. God tells us not to put our trust in man because man will fail you every time. He tells us to put our trust in Him and he will provide us with all we need. I certainly know all about people saying bad things and trying to tear people down just when they're trying to turn their life around for the better. I've had people say some of the most hurtful things about me, things that hurt me so deep I didn't know how I would go on., but I knew I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let the negative things people said about me keep me from becoming the woman God wanted me to be. I had to pray for the strength to get up each and every day and keep moving forward. I prayed for the strength to encourage myself so that I could be an encouragement to someone else. So, here are a few scriptures to help you through whatever it is you may be struggling with today. No matter what people have said about you, no matter what they have done to you, remember there is a greater force within you and he'll give you the strength to go on. Things will be toughest right before your breakthrough. You have to go through the test in order to have your testimony.
"May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word." 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
"Lord, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear, to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, that the man of the earth may oppress no more." Psalm 10:17-18
"Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved." Psalm 55:22
"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also." John 14:1,3
"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." 1 Peter 4:12-13

Single By Choice Or Force?

I am often asked, as I'm sure most single women are, why I'm single. People are like you're attractive, you're smart, you're sweet, what's the deal? Then here comes the question that always gets under my skin, what's wrong with you? Now, I'm not saying that gets under my skin to imply that I'm perfect because Lord knows I'm not, however, I do happen to believe I'm a great catch. I can cook, I'm smart, I have ambitions, no kids, yada, yada, yada. And I know plenty of attractive, loving, intelligent women who are single in Mississippi and people on the outside looking in are wondering why. Well, I'm here to shed some light on the situation if I could. I can't speak for all single women, but I can share my opinion on my situation and that of many of the single women I have come in contact with. First of all, a lot of people think the only way to go out and have fun around here is to go to the club, drink, and/ or smoke and I'm sorry, that's just not my thing therefore, I'm thought to be lame by some of my peers which is fine by me, that doesn't make me want to change who I am. Secondly, I go to church and when I take a look around and the ratio of men to women is comical. They say good men are in church and frankly, I'd have to disagree. It's more like a crowd of women with men sprinkled here and there, not to mention most of those men are old enough to be my dad or granddad. Next, single women are told to go out and participate in activities that they enjoy so that if they meet a man there, they already know they have something in common. Okay, here's the problem with that here, activities I like to do include shopping, reading, writing, cooking, talking on the phone, not really activities guys go for. I'm not into sports, don't wear tennis shoes, and I don't listen to rap so... Yeah, I'm a bit weird amonst my peers. And even going to open mic nights here because I like listening to poetry was unequaled, there were like 1000 girls to every 1 guy. Of course I'm exaggerating but you get my drift. What I'm trying to say is, just because we are single doesn't mean there's anything wrong with us. Perhaps we're just individuals who don't conform to the norm and therefore aren't as available to guys. Maybe we like doing things that most guys our age aren't into and therefore we remain single. Does this mean we're forced to be single? No, we could always go for a guy whose interests are nothing close to ours just to say we have a "boo", but most of us aren't willing to go that route. So that's certainly our choice. I just felt I had to say a few words on this issue as it bugs the hell out of me for people to assume something is "wrong" with single women for no reason other than they're single!

You Want Me To Let You Put That Where? (Anal Sex)

The topic of anal sex is still somewhat taboo, some people feel like it's gross and some even think it's wrong. Well, I think it's like I always say, to each his own. I decided to write this post today and give a few pros and cons when it comes to anal sex. Let's start with the good things first. Anal sex for some can be VERY pleasurable as there are nerve endings in the anus that you do not have anywhere else and I've also heard that orgasms from anal sex are MUCH more intense than those experienced from vaginal sex. Anal sex adds variety to your sex life as it is different than vaginal sex in that it's supposed to be a much tighter fit which is what is pleasurable to the man involved. Now a couple of cons. Ladies, just like your first time having vaginal sex, anal sex is painful in the beginning which is why it is suggested that you use lots of lubrication when trying to insert the penis into that area. You're also more afraid to try anal sex because you're afraid it may get...messy and you'll be embarrassed which means you tense up and make penetration back there harder. So, here are a few pointers on anal sex just in case you want to try or if you've tried it and want to make it better. Please, please, please make sure you are ready to try it before you get started. Once you've established that you want to do it, take it nice and slow. Maybe have a nice drink, wine, champagne, etc to loosen up a bit, then start with foreplay to get more into the mood. Make sure that once you're ready to "get it in" you lube and strap up (PLEASE PRACTICE SAFE SEX! I really can not say this enough) and ladies, try to relax as much as you can. Guys, please remember that you must take your time when entering and still be gentle once you're inside. This is not the time to "beat it up". Once you're both comfortable and feeling good, do what you do. Have fun with it. Oh, and if you're afraid of things getting messy, be sure to stop by the bathroom before getting started, make sure you shower up so that you'll feel more comfortable with the situation.

For Better, For Worse

Alright, let's say you met this guy and he was your everything, he treated you like a queen and spoiled you. He was there for you when things were looking up and when they were looking down. He fit in exceptionally well with your family and they loved him. You all decide to move in together and things between you two couldn't be better, suddenly things take a turn for the worse. He loses his job and is no longer able to spoil you the way he used to, his fancy car you just loved riding around in is repossessed, and you are barely able to keep lights on and water running. Would you stay with him? Is he still everything that you want in a man even though he is now flat broke?
On the flip side, guys, let's say you meet this gorgeous woman with long, beautiful hair. She's sweet, intelligent, ambitious, everything you want in a woman. You know right away she's your future "wifey". Your friends lover her, your family loves her, things couldn't be better in your relationship with her. You've never felt this good in your life. You buy a new house for you all to move into, you buy a ring to propose to her, then the bomb is dropped. She's diagnosed with cancer. She's in and out of the hospital, she loses all of her long, beautiful hair, and she loses a lot of weight so she no longer has that spectacular figure that helped attract you to her in the first place. Would you stay? Is she still everything you want in a woman although she's sick and as a result no longer looks the same? My point in writing this post is this, I hear people talking about how much they love this person or that person. How much they can't wait to marry them only to pick up and leave when times get rough. I challenge each of you to take a step back and think about these scenarios and the person you're with, would you stay with them if anything bad were to happen? Would you still love them the same? Please, please take the time to think about this before making the decision to get married.